To love life...

I used to live life just wishing and dreaming about the future. I never paid much attention to how life was in the moment or how I was doing in the present--I'd done that during my high school years, but it never seemed to make me any happier. But when I started living to reach future goals, I at least had more hope in my life. And then I started living life for nothing but the future because I hated how things were in the present. It's like I went from one extreme to another in search of happiness and peace of mind, still never finding it. I mostly just ignored myself because I didn't like me, and the best way to distract myself from me was to think about where I was going instead of where I was at the time.

It wasn't until my therapist pointed out to me that I need to be sure that I like where I am now that I started realizing those one-way thinking habits. As obvious as it is, I never recognized that I needed a "happy medium" of both to be happy myself.

I am now pleased to say that I love who I am (perhaps for the first time in my life). I have goals I'm working towards, complete with a healthy view of myself right now. Here are some of those goals and how where I am now is helping me to reach them:

1. Graduate with a BFA in Industrial Design. I'm getting valuable experience at work designing products of all sorts. I'm finishing that incomplete I took in one ID class last fall. I'm going to finish freshman level ID classes in the winter, apply and be accepted into the upper level ID classes.

Final assignment from one of my ID classes last year. Not bad, for a freshman, though it could be better.

2. Live in a nice, comfortable house/home. We just found a different place to live that's still in our ward boundaries. It's the main level of a house, with lots of windows and lots of sunlight, a bigger kitchen, large living room, and lots of closets with storage space. No more dark basements for us. And rent is even cheaper than what we're paying now. We're trying to be careful with our money so that we can begin saving up to buy/build a house that we'll actually own one day. We have family photos (our extensive 2-person family of Bob and I) and hope to get more, as well as images of Christ and the temple to put up as daily reminders and to invite the Spirit into our home.

3. Have kids... several kids... Even though we're not trying for it right now (and if we get surprised I think well be okay), we're both learning so much about how we're going to parent. Some things I hope to do/not do: Not lay my infant child on the floor at church during Sacrament meeting, show them how to enjoy the outdoors, not put them in front of the TV as a quick fix to keep them entertained everyday, let them help me to cook meals and treats, teach them how to sew and make simple crafts as young as they want to start learning, assign chores they can do--with or without my help--at certain age marks, begin teaching them what it means to be chaste and to have morals as young as eight years old, show them how to love and be generous to others by my example, instill a love for music, singing, and instruments in them from infancy.

4. Play the piano... Again. I still have an electric keyboard I got for Christmas one year when I was a kid, and it still works. I'd also like to take a piano class at BYU before I graduate. I started one last year, but I was taking too many credits and had to drop it. I still have 3+ years to try it again.

5. Open my store/bakery. I started my Etsy site. I took a couple of classes at the LDS Employment office about being self employed and starting a small business. I have tons of fabric and some other supplies to help when I want to get it up and running. I've looked into small business loans and calculated out how much money I'll need just to get it going. I've got a business plan started, and I'm almost ready to get the business actually started. It's just not the right time yet. But it will happen.

Chrissy Konachamp won the Iron Man World Championship in 2007.

6. Finish an Iron Man race. I've been riding my bike everywhere--to work, to run errands, to look at potential houses to move into, etc. I went on an hour long ride the other morning before the sun came over the mountains and made the midday heat unbearable. If I can strengthen my knees on my bicycle and by swimming, I'll be better able to run long distances without blowing them out. I've also been monitoring what I eat. I've been eating far less meat, partially because it's expensive and partially because too much meat isn't healthy, and replacing what I'd normally put meat in with rice or beans or something similar. It's been both cost effective and I'm feeling great.

7. Serve a full-time mission as a senior couple. Bob and I went to the temple last night, and it was a wonderful experience. I've been trying to make prayer and morning scripture study more of a priority, though I'm not perfect at it yet. We've been trying to be better about fulfilling our callings, especially since we're ward missionaries. And like I said earlier, we're really pushing to keep a specific budget, including saving for later in life.

I have more goals, but these are the ones that were on my mind as I recognized myself again this morning. I decided to write them down so that I could get them organized into reality and reflect on them later. Plus, it feels great to see my successes and accomplishments and let those be my focus rather than my failures. And even my failures have resulted in some success. For example, I considered dropping that piano class last year a failure, but had I not done that, I wouldn't have taken other steps to get to where I am now, and where I am in my life is a really big accomplishment for me.

It's nice to see the big picture and see things, and myself, accurately.