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Actually, that always really irritates me. I'm not going to go into too much detail, but basically I'm following the rules at work and people get mad at me for it. I'm just doing my job!! And I'm approached in a condescending way about what people want that I'm not supposed to do for them. That does NOT make me want to help any more than I already want to, which, I currently would rather slam my hand in a door than help this one guy. I'm waiting for the day when I snap and tell people like that just what I actually think of them. Until then, I'll keep getting my feelings hurt and doing everything they ask.
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So, I'm at work right now. I thought this production would be a fun one to work. It turns out that some, or rather, most of the people in this performing company seem to think they're just better than everybody else, or something. And then I become the victim of their frustrations. I'm just sitting here trying to do what they ask me to, because that is what I get paid for. But I do not get paid to be your verbal punching bag, thank you very much. And according to what I've heard from my co-workers, I'm not the only one who feels this way. I think really they just hate their job and should find something they're better cut out to do. If you're so unhappy and seek to be as unhelpful and difficult as possible, then why are you a part of this?!?!
On another note, school is requiring long hours from me. What's new about that? Oh, well, I stayed on campus for 27 hours straight at one point last week. Class, work, homework, and class again. Around 4am that night I thought to myself, 'This is ridiculous. I didn't know my death was required for a bachelor's degree.' I mean, really? I thought that might be required for a masters or doctorate maybe. But just a 4-year degree from a university? I am dedicated to this. I better be if I'm ever gonna graduate, having changed my major the several times that I have. But holy cow. Is it worth the toll it's taking on me? I've been on campus until 4 or 5 am working on assignments numerous times, and gone to class or work the following day. I've pulled all-nighters at home doing assignments, but never on campus.
I think I'm just getting worn down. I feel like I'm to the point where I just don't want to graduate anymore. Maybe I'm just tired because I haven't gotten a real vacation since before summer. I didn't get much of a Thanksgiving because I got married. I didn't have a relaxing Christmas break because my husband's sister got married, and when we got home we had a mess of an apartment to deal with from a ground water leak and a carpet dispute with the landlord. School started before we could get our house in order. I don't know where my checks are to pay the bills since Bob and I merged our accounts, and I'm waiting to buy more until I get my name officially changed. But I can't do that yet because we had a misunderstanding over who was taking care of getting us our marriage certificate. That's right, we still don't have it even though we got married over two months ago. And I'm not sure when I should take care of my assignments from the incomplete I took in one of my classes last semester.
I woke up this morning and went back to sleep a three times. Then I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed for an hour and a half. I just layed there with my eyes closed going over all the things I should have been doing. I think something needs to change. I need to drop something so I have a little more time to take care of myself. I'm so used to being an overacheiver that I always bite off more than I can handle, choke a few times, but somehow manage to get it all done. The only problem is I feel like I lose myself in the process a little more each time.
I miss having fun and doing my hobbies. I still haven't gone snowboarding a single time since I've been home from my mission. I have all these fun sewing projects I want to take care of but I don't have time to do. I have a bridesmaid dress business I'd like to get going. I have jewelry I want to make and sell, things I'd love to sketch and portraits I'd like to paint. I want to blog more, read fun books and novels more. There are sports I'd like to take part in, games I'd like to play, and outdoorsy things I'd like to do. But when I have time to do anything, I'm so tired that all I want to do is nothing.
I apologize for all the complaining. Sometimes I've just gotta vent and let things out. This way all these thoughts won't be plaguing my mind, I can move on, and they won't be lost.
On a happy note, I am on an indoor soccer team, thanks to Trina's persuasive pleads. I've missed playing soccer, so I'm grateful that I'm at least doing that, even though I'm way out of shape and I'm ridiculously sore from that short 41 minute game. But I did score the first two points in our soccer game on Saturday, with an assist from Ben, of course. It was pretty awesome.
