a premature sigh of relief

I am so glad December is drawing to a close! My wedding last month, Bree's (Bob's younger sister) wedding this month, Christmas, and lots of driving and money-sucking activities are done!!

It was so nice to get home after all the madness. But I forgot. The madness isn't even over yet!

We're supposed to be getting new carpet. I don't know when, but we are. Today we're supposed to be getting a new carpet pad in the living room, but that's all that's scheduled. I wonder if they can just come and put the carpet in the bedroom while they're at it. We need it with our average 41 degree basement apartment with no heat. I'm probably breathing asbestos from the crumbing linoleum in there and my future children will have severe birth defects because of it. Maybe I can sue the owner for it and get tons of money and never have to work another day in my life. Just kidding. That would be lazy.

It's just super annoying because I can't put anything away right now. It'll all just have to get moved again. So I don't know where anything is right now because our bicycles are in the kitchen, the TV is on the recliner, all our blankets and sheets are crowding me here on the couch, and things are back in boxes and stacked where ever there is space. My house is a total mess, and I can't un-messify it yet. Gah!!

At least I have fuzzy slippers that Bob got me for Christmas.

I just finished budgeting what's left of our money. I can't believe how hard it can be to keep up with finances while on vacation. Suprisingly, we're doing okay. That's a relief.

Jennie Ray is coming to stay with us for a while on January 12th. She's needed to get out of Clarksville for a while now, and she finally is. I didn't want a lack of a place to live to keep her from leaving that town. She wanted to move out here anyway, and I would have loved to sell her my place at the pink house after I got married, but I didn't know she was looking at that time. Maybe in the summer and fall next year she can rent it out. It is a wicked-good deal. She deserves it.

And next semester starts a week from today. Ridiculous. How am I supposed to focus and do well in school when I don't have space to do homework at home because I'm waiting on carpet and never had time to get my home in order? At least I don't have any Friday classes scheduled. I just wish I could have bought a midweek pass to Sundance back in October. I wish i could have been able to afford to buy one, anyway. I'll just start saving now for next year.

I think I'll take a nap now. I should go grocery shopping or clean out the fridge (because I didn't do that before vacation and now the food in there is really old) or fix my hair and do something productive with myself, but I'm tired. I don't have work or school. And just being able to sleep right now and not have any time-pressing matter due today is a little advantage I just need to take right now. It really is such a tender mercy for me at the moment, pathetic as it might sound.

Sweet dreams to me.

Changes and Floods

So it's been months since I've blogged. Here's an update:

I started my major and love it (industrial design).
I was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder.
I got married.
I'm going to Singapore for three weeks as a study abroad student in May.
Our apartment flooded and we're getting new carpet.

There you go.









Just kidding. Really, all of that has happened, but I bet you want details. So here they are.

I love my industrial design classes! For the first time since second grade, I look forward to going to school. It's awesome. No textbooks or studying or boring, lengthy lectures. Instead we have short interactive lectures, we create and build 2-D and 3-D models, we sketch, we build prototypes of products we design, and we discuss and critique one another's work in class. It's great!!

In planning for my wedding, I think I started going a little crazy. Maybe I was just stressed out. Yeah, I think I was overly stressed out and that made me start losing my mind. School, work, and planning a wedding while trying to have a social life with my roommates and go on dates with Bob plus keep up with going to the temple and doing my calling and attend all the church meetings (Sunday meetings, Institute, FHE, etc.) I was supposed to... It all just started getting to me. I also had some past issues continually arising and I'd digress back to some pretty miserable emotional states more frequently than is normal. Bob would frequently suggest and encourage me to go see a therapist. I always thought it was a load of bologna and that therapists were just for people who needed an excuse to get out of things when life got hard. Then I realized that I was mentally and emotionally struggling with myself personally and just keeping myself together in public. So I decided it couldn't hurt and if I thought it was a waste of time I could just not go back after the first time... So I went to the counseling center on campus, scheduled an appointment, and went to that first meeting with my psychologist.

I told her that I just wanted to give it a shot, my then fiance encouraged me to see her, told her some of my background and history, and answered her questions. Then she discussed an analyzed much of which I told her, especially about my past. She told me I have post-traumatic stress disorder. I didn't like being diagnosed with some mental and emotional problem... although the more I thought about it, the more I realized she's right. Everything I struggle with--the way I think, my fears and concerns, the times I freeze up or freak out in certain situations (it's mostly internal--I usually hide things from everyone, yet another symptom), intruding thoughts and memories that I block out of my memory that resurface from time to time, my occasional uncontrollable crying--it all points to that. What a weird realization that I have a real problem, and that even has a name. She later gave me a chart with the cycle of the disorder, and she showed me where I'm stuck at and we're making goals on how I can progress.

Weird. I never thought I'd actually believe all that rubbish, but I'm really starting to think it's true.

Bob and I are even going to a couple's support group now. He even liked the idea and was kind of excited about it. And it's been good for me. It's been really hard too. I've been so used to blocking things out, pushing them from my mind, ignoring them, making myself go numb so I wouldn't feel anything emotionally, and then breaking down at some point but never taking care of the real problem. I'd usually just sleep it off until I could block it all out again. I think that actually getting down to the real problem and fixing it is harder.

Way harder. Now when I cry I'm supposed to try and let it out, not close up, and embrace the fact that it hurts. I'm not sure how to do that, to be honest. I grew up thinking that crying is always bad, that I should never do it, because it just meant that I wanted unnecessary attention or that I was spoiled. So I tried for most of my life not to cry. Obviously I have cried sometimes--lots of times--but I always felt guilty for crying and I'd even get punished sometimes for crying--sent to my room, grounded, put in timeout, etc. I never understood why my parents didn't want me to cry--I just thought I was never supposed to. EVER. So I'd make myself emotionally numb when I would want to cry so that I wouldn't. It became a habit and a part of me. And it's not healthy.

So now I'm trying to let myself cry. I still feel guilty and I still feel like I should make myself stop as soon as it starts. As soon as I can get it into my head that crying is not bad, that it's natural and okay to do, I can begin to move on and overcome this disorder that I apparently have. First I have to accept the fact that everything that has happened to me has really happened, yes it sucks, but it's in the past and I can't do anything about it. And then, I can have all this crying and mourning out of my system and I can move on. It just really hurts to finally let myself feel everything I have been suppressing and numbing, and that's the hard part. I should have taken care of all of this a long time ago, but it was a secret I was terrified to admit. And none of it is my own fault, which is also hard to admit.

And I also feel like I need to have this under control and have myself more put together before I can have kids. My children deserve a strong, healthy mother and a loving home. And I worry that I won't be able to provide that until I get this all taken care of. And now that I'm married, I can't procrastinate this any longer.

Which brings me to the next bit of news that everyone already knows, but for my blog's sake I'll announce it. I'm married!! November 21st, 2009, my own family was sealed together for time and all eternity in the San Diego temple. And it was perfect. It wasn't what I had planned exactly, it wasn't what I had dreamed or hoped for necessarily, especially the hour or two before we made it to the temple, but it was perfect. I couldn't have asked for nicer weather, a more beautiful sunset, or better company, especially my new husband.

We've been married for three weeks now, and it has been so much fun! Seriously, marrying my best friend might have been one of my top five best decisions of my life. I guess I was expecting something to change once we got married, an the only thing that has changed is the amount of physical intimacy we can have. We still have the same amazing hugs, he still makes me laugh every day, we still wrestle on the living room floor occasionally, we still watch movies, we still eat breakfast together each morning, we still tell lame jokes together, we still hold hands whenever we can, we still get butterflies from occasional really good kisses... But now, I get to wake up and fall asleep next to him each morning and night, we get to get ready for church together on Sundays, we can fall asleep on the couch watching movies late at night and not feel guilty about it, we don't have to be careful about kissing too much or too passionately, he doesn't have to walk me home each night (or if he does he can just come on in when he does because he lives there too), and we get to share all of our stuff, especially our kitchen things. Life is great, and it's just going to keep getting better, even if it gets difficult sometimes.

Then, last Friday, I had an interview for a study abroad I applied for. Originally, I had just heard about it and invited Bob to come along to a seminar about it. I just like to find out things about my major and what people are doing in it so I can explain what industrial designers do better. I never actually thought I would really do anything huge; I sometimes just like to know about things like that.
So after the seminar ended, I asked Bob, "So what do you think about that?"
Without missing a beat he said, "I think you should do it!!"
"Really?"
"Yeah!" he responded, and then proceeded to encourage me strongly to apply, and go, and that he'd do whatever he needed to to fund for it. I was surprised. Usually he analyzes everything for a long time before making any decision. I guess that's mostly when he makes a choice for himself. I think he just saw that gleam in my eye about how much I love to travel and how i wish I could take opportunities like that while I can. Needless to say, I got online and applied right after we left the seminar that evening.

So back to Friday. I go in for an interview. After asking me about my background, the professor interviewing me asked, "So why do you want to go to Singapore?" I thought for a moment, then responded about how I love to learn about these opportunities but never take them, and this time my husband really wanted me to go, so I finally applied. Plus it sounds like such a fun and once in a lifetime experience, I'd hate to pass it up and always wish I'd gone. He went on to explain a little more about the course and the country.
At the closing of the interview he said, "Okay, well, we'll be happy to have you come along with us!"
I was like, "So I'm accepted already?"
And I am. So.... Singapore it is! I'll be there for three weeks, from mid-May until the beginning of June. I need a passport, I need to save up a bunch of money, I need to get my GPA up... I have tons to do now!! But I'm so excited about it! I will be taking lots of pictures while I'm there, and it's going to be awesome.

Then there's today. I woke up this morning, and Bob and I laid in bed for a while just talking. I could hear some water trickling outside somewhere. I guessed the temperature had warmed up enough to start melting the snow or maybe it was just raining because it was barely above freezing or something. I got up and went to the bathroom at one point, then crawled back into bed under the warm covers. A few minutes later Bob got up to go to the bathroom. His feet hit the carpet and he said, "Ah! ...ohhh-mygosh."

I leaned over to look at the part of the floor he was staring at. "What?" I asked confusedly. He lifted his foot up and I could see his foot print in the carpet, dark and wet.

"You know that water you were hearing earlier," he said, "well, I think it's inside."

We put on our shoes and started moving things around. We found the source of the water pretty quickly. There's a pipe end in the wall a few feet from our bed, and water was just streaming out of it, inside and out of the wall. It wasn't spewing, but it was like some one had turned on a water faucet at a nice flow. The carpet in over half the room was soaked, with at least an inch of water under the carpet. The carpet in the bicycle closet was soaked as well, as well as part of the living room all the way to the front door. Thank goodness somebody gave us a bucket full of goodies for our wedding, because it came in handy for catching the water. We had to change the bucket every five or six minutes though, because the water was coming in so quickly it filled it up that fast. It was ridiculous. We made it to church after a plumber had come and stopped the water. Bob and I got callings--we're now ward missionaries (Hooray!). Then, just after the sacrament Bob got a phone call from the carpet cleaners, so he took off to go let them in the house.

When I got home from church, I got to see the damage. The wall has some nice water damage. The carpet in the bedroom is gone, with some old and crumbly linoleum left over that was underneath it. The carpet pad from half the living room is gone, although the carpet is still there and drying from being shampooed. all of our furniture that we had just gotten settled into place is now moved temporarily. And some of our things got a little wet, although I don't think any real damage was done.

Wow. Married a month and our first minor-catastrophe has already occurred. Life sure is going to be full of surprises with Bob.

At least we're getting new carpet out of it.

distractions

It's SO easy for me to get distracted while doing my homework assignments. Like right now, for example. I'm sitting in the computer lab at school working on a project that's due tomorrow. The only problem is that I have to search for images online that I like and then work on them in Adobe Illustrator and Photoshop. In my searching, of course I find cool pictures that I like. I also find things that just interest me but have no relevance to my project.

But I just had to take a minute and share this one:

A baby hippopotamus that survived the tsunami waves on the Kenyan coast has formed a strong bond with a giant male century-old tortoise, in an animal facility in the port city of Mombassa, officials said.
The hippopotamus, nicknamed Owen and weighing about 300 kilograms (650 pounds), was swept down Sabaki River into the Indian Ocean, then forced back to shore when tsunami waves struck the Kenyan coast on December 26, 2004 before wildlife rangers rescued him.

"It is incredible. A-less-than-a-year-old hippo has adopted a male tortoise, about a century old, and the tortoise seems to be very happy with being a 'mother'," ecologist Paula Kahumbu, who is in charge of Lafarge Park, told AFP.

"After it was swept and lost its mother, the hippo was traumatized. It had to look for something to be a surrogate mother. Fortunately, it landed on the tortoise and established a strong bond. They swim, eat and sleep together," the ecologist added. "The hippo follows the tortoise exactly the way it follows its mother. If somebody approaches the tortoise, the hippo becomes aggressive, as if protecting its biological mother," Kahumbu added.

"The hippo is a young baby, he was left at a very tender age and by nature, hippos are social animals that like to stay with their mothers for four years," he explained.

This is a real story t hat shows that our differences don't matter much when we need the comfort of another. We could all learn a lesson from these two creatures of God. Look beyond the differences and find a way to walk the path together.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/92011777@N00/228573089/

living and life

I finally moved into the house I'll be in for the next three months. There's two separate addresses, one for the upstairs and one for the downstairs. I live at the downstairs address, even though the mail all comes to the same box. I like it. My room is painted bright turquoise. The bathroom is hardly bigger than one you'd find on an airplane, complete with separate faucets on the sink for hot and cold water, making washing my face at night a challenge (I either get boiling hot water or ice cold water, and it's hard the mix the two). The kitchen is already pretty stocked with dishes the previous renters, which means I'm not unpacking my kitchen stuff until Bob moves into our future apartment and I can just set it all up there.

And I LOVE having a nice old couple as landlords! They're so nice. They let me make up my own contract for living there basically. Since I'm getting married in November, they said, "Well, why don't you just make your contract from Now until then?" I'm so used to companies and set contracts with apartments that I hadn't even thought of that. So now I don't have to stress about the possibility of not selling a contract that I'm stuck in until May or longer. Such a relief, since money will be tight with Bob and me for a while already.

And speaking of money, I started working again! It'll be nice to have a paycheck every other week, even if it's only for $600 or less each month. I can still make it work. I discovered that I really like having a budget. It's nice to see where my money goes. I also really enjoy seeing my savings account building, and seeing money going toward a vacation fund and a snowboarding fund for me to use later. It's a whole lot less stressful than what I used to do (guess at what's left in my account when I want stuff and just hope I have enough money).

School starts on Monday. I'm excited and nervous. I'm taking the freshman courses in my major. Those should be fun. I'm also retaking some classes to try and get my GPA up in case I ever need to transfer schools for any reason (such as not getting accepted into the major again when I have to apply again next august). Communications 101 and College Algebra are the ones I'm most worried about. Beginning Piano should be good, and of course the Creativity classes for Industrial Design should be fun too. 14 credits is about all I can usually handle, so that's all I'm doing. I'm just not good at school, especially when classes I abhor are involved.

Lastly, I got this nasty cold last week. Bob caught it too (and I'm 99% sure he got it from me... go figure...) I didn't have work today, thank goodness. Bob called in sick today. So we've done nothing and it's been so nice. I was a little bummed that I missed out on rock climbing this morning, but there was no way I was going out into the chilly morning to exert energy that I already didn't have. There will likely be other opportunities anyway. So today Bob came over early this morning (as usual) and we ate breakfast. We went back to his house and I ended up falling asleep on his couch and he went in his room and went back to bed. Since then we've just sat around haven't done much.

It's honestly been nice to do nothing since I haven't done that in quite a while. Plus, my body needs the rest. But really, I just hate being sick.

Blog Overdue!

Wow. I need to have written over twenty blogs on all the happenings in my life this summer. And now summer is drawing to a close, and I haven't written a single one since... June? I'd apologize for being a slacker, but that's the reason I haven't written any--because I've been extremely busy. So this will be an extremely LONG blog. Be prepared to come back and read more later if you just can't make it through it all in one sitting. And if you just don't feel like reading it all, I'm not offended.

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Girls Camp back in June was a blast. I love those first year girls and the Youth Leaders so much! I wish the Young Women understood just how amazing they are and just how much they are worth. That's my last year going to YW Camp in TN. :( I'm sad, but my life has to move on forward.

Then EFY happened all summer.

I drove through Arkansas to visit Katie and see her newborn (who probably isn't so newborn any more!) . That was so much fun! I loved catching up with her and just getting to pick up on our friendship where we left off ten years ago.

I made my way to Louisiana (and just for the record, there is no Interstate or highway with a speed limit more than 50 miles an hour from Little Rock to Baton Rouge; it was a LONG drive). I played with my niece and nephew, ate crawfish with Cam, and enjoyed that heavy Louisiana humidity that I haven't missed all these years.

Then I woke up early and drove eight hours to San Antonio, my favorite part of Texas. It was a fun drive, partially because I couldn't wait to visit people and also because I was excited to work at EFY. I arrived and had the new counselor orientation, ate food, met people, and then went and stayed with the Marshes that night. I went to church at the Parkwood ward the next morning, and it was so fun to see so many people I'd missed for eight months. I stuck around for one of the singles wards as well. It was fun to see people recognize me but not know how they knew me. Lots of people would say, "Hi, how are you..?" trying to figure it out. Sometimes I'd be nice and tell them right away, but then again, it was really fun to just go along and see if they could figure it out themselves. But there were several people who remembered me right off. I was surprised to see so many people who came right up to me and said, "Sister Wheeler!! What are you doing here?!" And what was an even sweeter experience was to have a couple of investigators I'd taught approach me and tell me all about their baptisms.

The following wee was EFY, and it was a blast. Those kids are SO much fun, and I loved to be able to see the spiritual growth in each of them during the week. At the beginning of the week, they hardly knew each other, and by the end they were best friends. And what was even better, they all wanted to share the gospel with their friends! One of my girls had been stuck between our church and the catholic church, and by Thursday she'd already been making plans to get baptized as a member of our church by the end of the summer. I loved seeing the Spirit touch these kids in such a way that they knew the principles and doctrines we taught are right and true.

The following week I visited my mission. I'd spent the 4th of July at the Marshes again (and if Sister Marsh had it her way,I'd just move into their house there and live with them for my entire life). The Sunday after I went to New Braunfels Ward and Memorial Ward. It was so fun to see so many people that I love there! I couldn't believe how many remembered me after a year and a half of me not being there. I was especially flattered when the bishops recognized me and wanted to catch up on everything. It feels good to know I made some kind of impact. I stayed with the Petersons some during that week. I went up to Austin and surprised Sister Denison, my one and only trainee of the mission, with breakfast one morning. That was hilarious. She didn't know how to react. "What are you doing here?!" was what I was greeted with. We caught up for a few short minutes, then I let her get back to studying. I picked Bob up from the airport and we visited several other people, especially one of my favorite (I know I shouldn't choose favorites) converts, Nathan. I'm so proud of that kid and I love him to death. We went to the Shoal Creek Ward the following Sunday, where Bishop Taylor asked me to be a speaker in Sacrament Meeting that day. Some things never change.

Unfortunately, I never got to attend the Brushy Creek Ward while I was down there. It's hard when I'm strapped for time and there's only so many Sundays during vacation there.

Next week Bob and I both worked EFY, where we had some wonderful experiences again. Bob's boys would yell fun things to me across campus when they saw me with my girls, so I had my girls do the same for Bob. I think a few of Bob's boys even developed crushes on me. My girls were so good and we all became such good friends, especially since we had such testimony building and spiritually enlightening moments together.

At the end of the week, on Saturday morning, Bob and I drove to Baton Rouge, where I introduced him to the absolutely delectable and delicious food of crawfish. It was so good, and I think now Bob can understand how I feel when I talk about it.

Sunday we drove and drove, out of Louisiana, into Mississippi, and as we got into Tennessee we stopped in Memphis to attend church and take the Sacrament. The only Sacrament Meeting that was going on at the time we were there happened to be the Spanish Branch. That was great. (And P. S., the Sacrament bread Hispanics and Latinos use is often home made, and absolute heaven to put in your mouth.) I had fun translating for Bob.

We made it all the way to my parents house, had dinner, unloaded some of our stuff, and drove on to Bowling Green, Kentucky for yet another session of EFY. This session was by far the best of the three I did. Well, I love each session for different reasons. This one was a little closer to my heart because of a wonderful opportunity I had, which I didn't recognize at first.

Bob and I had wanted to be co-counselors, but it didn't happen. I was pretty bummed about it, and he was too. At check-in on Monday morning, and I overheard some counselors talking about a girl who was attending that didn't speak English. I asked about it and they said they were trying to find a group for this girl from Costa Rica in the hopes that at least the male counselor could speak Spanish. I grinned and said, "I speak Spanish fluently."

As it turns out, I was the only female counselor who spoke Spanish decently. Some switching went on with the girls in my group, and I ended up only having nine instead of ten girls. I was fine with that. The fewer there are, the more personally I can get to know them. Belany, my little Spanish-speaking princess, didn't have a roommate. I didn't either, so she got to move into my room and be my roommate for the week. I think she needed that too. It was so neat to translate for her when she didn't understand what was going on, and then I could talk to her as we were getting ready for bed at night, and I don't know if she would have been able to get to know anyone quite so well with the language barrier. Seth, my co-counselor spoke Spanish too, so he got to help with that as well.

Now Bob had a similar experience, where he was put in a group with a boy who needed him to be his counselor. This kid was introverted and unhappy to be at EFY. He didn't think he had a testimony of the gospel at all, and was only there because his parents made him go. He hid behind the same purple beanie and black and purple striped hoodie everyday.

At the end of the week, we had a meeting with all the counselors, and one of the male counselors mentioned how he'd seen this kid at previous EFYs, been his counselor, and nothing had helped or changed him in any way previously. This counselor was so excited to see that this boy, by the end of the week, was smiling, had made friends with everyone in his group, and even spoke about serving a mission and teach the gospel to others. And it's true! I saw the change in this kid myself! This kid needed Bob to be his counselor, to offer his listening ear, experiences, and testimony.

Miracles happened all week long there. I could go on and on about the youth in my company: one kid who refused to get out of his chair on Tuesday at the dance to dancing at almost every song on Friday night. Or the boy in my group who developed a desire to finally repent for some things that had been weighing him down for years. Or the girl who thought she had no testimony or desire to be at EFY who, by Thursday, wanted to share it with others and keep it strong in her life. Seriously, one beautiful miracle and change after another happened that week.

And then Saturday morning rolled around and we all had to say our heartfelt goodbyes. Bob and I drove back to my parents house and napped all day.

Sunday I went to church with my parents for the last time as a member of their ward. It's bittersweet to leave so many people I love, knowing that I need to move on. Then Sunday evening the missionaries stopped by. After they left Bob and I went for a walk in the woods.
I didn't really think anything of it because it's so normal for us to do stuff like that. We walked along the path through the trees, stopping to notice the beautiful setting sun as it was shone through the trees. We stopped again at the edge of the bluff above the river and talked for a little while about how we were feeling about our relationship and such. We walked a little further to where the trail used to branch off toward Nin's house, but it's all overgrown since her grandkids have all grownup and there's nobody left to run and play in the woods there. I wanted to find a some place to sit so we could just enjoy the gorgeous evening and talk some more until darkness started to fall. We found a large old stump to sit on, and Bob told me about some answers to prayers he'd recently received concerning us. He talked about some fears and hopes among his feelings for me.

It was all really serious, so then Bob finally said, "You know what I like about our relationship?"
"What?" I asked.
"I like than we can play and be silly sometimes. So right now, since I've been so serious, I can do this," and he pulled out this big box--bigger than something a ring belongs in, like a watch box or something. I didn't know what to expect, especially knowing Bob. He proceeded to open it, and in this really goofy voice says, "Janae, will you marry me?" He opens the box and inside is a bicycle bell. He pulls it out and puts it on my left ring finger as a joke, and rings it.
I thought, 'Haha, Bob. A ring...' I laughed, and then I felt a little let down thinking, 'Dang. That's it?'

He let that sink in for a few seconds. And then I noticed the expression on his face change from that ridiculous grin of his to a very sincere smile.
He looked at me and said, "Seriously."
He pulled out another smaller box from his back pocket. I stopped breathing for a few seconds as I realized what was happening.
He slowly knelt down on his right knee, and as he opened the beautiful dark wooden-finished box, he said, "Will you be my wife for this life and for eternity? Through all the hard times, and beautiful times, and the joyful times?" Tears were welling up in his eyes. He was serious this time. I looked down at the ring. It was beautiful. It was exactly what I hoped for, but it didn't really matter what it looked like at all. I would have loved it no matter what he picked out. I realized I was smiling. Then I started to cry as I picked up the box and ring and looked at it. I couldn't talk for a moment, and then I realized Bob was still there on his knee waiting. I finally found my voice enough to respond, and said, "Yes, I will."

Bob pulled the ring gently out of its place in the box, slid it onto my finger, and one of the best embraces I've ever had followed. As I looked around I noticed all the fireflies in the woods giving us a stunning show of lights, and the sky through the trees was every gorgeous shade of orange.

We walked home, smiling and wiping tears of joy from our eyes and faces. We stopped to watch the sunset for several minutes, debating how to tell my parents that we had just become engaged. we finally walked through the side door and into the kitchen. Dad was on the back deck reading a book and Mom was in the living room watching the Food Network on TV. I noticed that she'd made apple donuts, so I asked from the kitchen if they were for us. My mom said yes, so I strategically picked one up with my left hand and as I walked into the living room I took a bite, making my left ring finger very apparent. Mom immediately saw it and said, "Oh, what's that?" in a nonchalantly sarcastic way. I laughed. Bob followed me out there and we rehearsed the whole thing to my mother, after which, she went and had my dad come inside and we told the story one more time. I called each of my brothers (by the way, Bob got permission from all three of my brothers and then my parents to marry me) to tell them the news as well.


The longest drive ever from Tennessee to Utah followed a few days later. Dad and Bob put a trailer hitch on the Camry (Yeah, did you know that was possible?) and there we were: four adults packed inside the Camry, with a cooler in the backseat, the trunk loaded with luggage, and towing a trailer full of my things.

We noticed the engine running hotter than normal, and in the middle of Missouri needle on the gauge shot up all the way into the hot side. We pulled off the interstate and let it cool for a while. Dad fiddled around under the hood, and as soon as the needle was in a better place on the gauge we took off as quickly and carefully as we could for the next exit off the interstate. And then luck hit. We pulled into a gas station, the right behind it there happened to be an auto repair shop. As we waited for our new water pump to be put in, we went to a diner attached to the gas station to escape the heat. We walked in and a waitress asked us if we wanted a booth or a table. We all looked at each other for a moment, and finally just explained that our car had just broken down and we all just really wanted some water. Then my dad had the brilliant idea getting some hot cobbler with ice cream. We all decided to get some after that. It was a nice little place with a good atmosphere, and the four of us wound up laughing and smiling instead of feeling upset and irritated.

In an hour the car was fixed and ready to go. We made it into Nebraska in the wee hours of the morning and stopped at a hotel. Everything was full, except for one particular room at a more pricey hotel. Dad, Mom, and me slept on the king sized be and Bob slept on the floor. We woke up and left by mid-morning the next day. I drove out of Nebraska, and Bob drove us through an absolutely ridiculous hail storm in the middle of Wyoming. but we finally made it to Provo.

I applied and got accepted into my major the following week.
Dad bought me a car one morning and we got it registered and licensed that afternoon, and then I got it insured over the phone (Thank you, Gieco!) and then they emailed me all the information, I printed it out, and was driving it that evening.
Bob and I found a nice place to live in November, and he's moving in there in September.
I found the wedding dress I want.
Bob and I scheduled the sealing room in the San Diego Temple without a problem.
I got my job back from before my mission (my first day back was today!).

Aside from Bob getting his laptop stolen right out of his house night before last, things are really working out so far. I'm excited for school to start. I'm even more excited to get married in November.

Really, life is SO good.

Another allergy to another delicious food...

I became allergic to bananas when I was 14, and then also to pineapple when I was 20. Both are fruits I really love to eat because they're SO delicious. I'm kind of eating bananas again, though I don't eat large portions of them and it's usually cooked in something like banana bread or banana brownies.

So tonight I ate dinner as usual, nothing to concern me about what food we were eating. I went to take care of some cats for this lady that's out of town for the weekend, and on the way I noticed a bump on my left ring finger that started itching. I thought it was a mosquito bite at first, which wouldn't be any surprise to me. Then I also noticed one on my foot and the back of my neck too.

I make my way home and as I'm going about doing things, I start noticing that I'm just itching all over. I reach over to scratch my shoulder and the skin felt kind of odd underneath my shirt. I went into the bathroom pulled my collar over so I could see my shoulder. Here's what it looked like:

Then I pulled my shirt up in the back to see this:

I've never had hives before, ever in my life, but I knew that's what they were immediately. I ran downstairs and my mom ground up some oatmeal for me and found me some nice itch-relief lotions. I took a 20 minute oatmeal bath and then stood there staring at all the little bumps and welts in the mirror, doing all I could not to scratch them. The back of my neck is just on fire and it feel like it's spreading up to the rest of my scalp. I have a nice welt just under my left eyebrow and several on my hands and feet and legs. The bulk of it is on my chest and back though. It's so irritating!! I just wanna scratch everything!

Luckily, according to the American Medical Book, they should disappear in a few hours. I sure hope they do.

And I've been trying to figure out what caused it:
Not the cats I'm taking care of, I itched before that.

So what else? It must be the food I ate for dinner. But everything I ate was perfectly normal and stuff I eat pretty often. Then I realized, I must have developed another allergy. Not the the salad, not to pork and beans but to watermelon. WATERMELON!! Why??!?!!?

Sooner or later I'm just gonna have to start carrying around a bottle of Benedryl just so I can eat at all.

Watermelon. Seriously??

Will pray for work.

My summer has been really busy, which is slightly overwhelming and stressful at times. But the past week has been so much fun! I acquired a temporary job at the Busy Beads & Moore, which I wasn't planning on. One of the employees broke her foot a while back and needed surgery on it. She's supposed to stay off it for 6-8 weeks. They're also getting a new website going and they've got free tech support for a month. So another of the employees is on the computer working on the website all day and can't go work with customers in the store while she's in the midst of that. So Sylvia called me and asked if I'd like to work for a few weeks until Young Women's Camp and EFY. It's easier than training a brand new employee and having the others work overtime, plus I LOVE working there.

Back in January, we had a Relief Society sleepover and the theme had something to do with feet or footsteps, so everything involved feet in some way. It was a lot of fun. Before the sock puppet show, one of the ladies, Ryan, was trying to recruit someone to paint a back-drop for it. Nobody was jumping at the opportunity, so I said I'd do it. When Ryan saw how well I'd painted it, she got so excited and asked me to paint her daughter's room, immediately offering to pay me. I've never painted murals or anything of the sort before, so I warned her of that, but I agreed to do it. Well, I finally have found to the time to do it! So after work each day this week, I've gone over to Ryan's house and painted in her daughter's room. I love it! I could seriously make a living out of doing stuff like this!















Ryan also wants me to paint some palm trees in her son's room. She told a friend about it, and now she might want me to paint something similar in her house too. Anybody else want some murals done?

And, all my EFY paperwork is getting sent off tomorrow. It'll all be official finally and I'll be working three sessions of EFY!

This all goes to show that prayers really do get answered in the way that's best for each of us in our personal situations. When I came home from the mission, I was praying hat I'd get a job so I could keep busy and make some money before school in August. I had zero luck there for a while. But I was okay with that because it allowed me to travel a lot and have tons of freedom I otherwise wouldn't have had. I was still worried about the money issue and was still searching for a job. I'm sad that Heather had to break her foot for me to have a job, but the Lord sure did answer my prayers there! I've been getting desperate. And I seem to have this skill for painting that I never knew was so developed, and now I can use that to earn some extra cash for school too. If I had gotten a job at any of the places I'd applied earlier, waiting tables or managing a book store, I think I would have hated going to work every day. What a tender mercy it is for me to be able to go and make jewelry each morning, then go and paint each afternoon. I'm so grateful for my talents and abilities, as well as the opportunities the Lord has granted me to use them for both others' and my own benefit.

a 24-hour get-away

This past week I was feeling pretty down on myself. I can't exactly tell why, though I could speculate pretty well if I tried. Anyway, I decided to take a trip to clear my head. Originally I thought about going to Virginia Beach (i LOVE that place!), but a 14 hour drive one way and work on Monday just didn't seem like a good or logical idea. Then I thought about how much I love the mountains. That's what people did in times of old for peace and revelation--they went to the mountains. So I followed the example of several scriptural prophets and drove four and a half hours to the Great Smoky Mountains of Eastern Tennessee.

I didn't leave until about 5:30pm, which put me at the national park at 11:00pm. I forgot that it's in the eastern time zone until I got there and looked at my phone which had updated itself. The drive was nice, and I was probably fine after that. Four hours of blaring whatever music I wanted because I didn't have to worry about anybody's preference of music except myself, and I didn't have to worry about the volume bothering anyone else either. I yelled along with the lyrics to my Avril Lavigne album, I cried during my entire Goo-Goo Dolls CD, danced and had fun to my punk rock mixes, and felt rather fulfilled by the time I passed through Pigeon Forge. There was hardly anybody else on the road by that time, which was nice. I made it through a sobriety checkpoint without the cops thinking I was drunk (and I wasn't, of course), and I rolled the windows down as I drove through the woods and up a mountain in the dark.

I pulled into the camp ground parking lot at Cades Cove, and nothing was open. I found some parking spots away from all the other cars and pulled into one. I didn't feel much like setting a tent up in the dark, plus I was tired. So I cracked open all the windows, shimmied into the back seat of the Camry, rolled up a towel for a pillow and used my mission blanket for warmth when it got chilly during the night. I went to sleep really quickly. It was nice and quiet and I had no service on my cell phone. What else was I gonna do?

I had intended on sleeping until it got light outside. Unfortunately, that didn't happen. About 5:00am I woke up to some guy retching just outside my window. I came out of a dead-sleep, and wasn't sure if I'd heard correctly or was just dreaming. Then I heard him again. I immediately felt grossed out and lost whatever amount of appetite I had that early in the morning. I leaned up just enough to see out of my window. There was his car, parked right next to mine. It wasn't there when I went to sleep. Why was he all the way up in the mountains puking this early in the morning when he wasn't here late last night? Whatever. I plugged one ear and rolled over so the other was buried in my make-shift pillow and dozed off some more. I woke up a couple more times the same way, then finally I heard his car start and leave. Thank goodness. I sat up and looked at the time. 5:49am. It was just beginning to lighten up outside. I decided to find a spot to watch the sunrise. But I didn't dare get out of the car to find out what leftovers my neighbor had left around in the parking lot, so I drove around a bit to find a good trail.

On my way to find an outlook for the morning sun to break over top of, I suddenly realized just how badly I needed to use the bathroom. I laughed to myself as I recalled so many various men bragging and claiming "the world is my bathroom." I adopted that motto for myself this morning.

Then I finally was hungry. I found a nice rock to sit on by one of the trails I'd found, and took to eating the granola I'd brought with me (which, the Bear Naked Mango Agave Almond is delicious!) and read some from the Book of Mormon. It was so picturesque--there I was, sitting on a rock by a bubbling little stream, reading the scriptures in the silent, cool morning of the Smoky Mountains. Life could not have gotten any better.

I finished up, feeling entirely uplifted. It was like happiness was slowly soaking back into every cell of my body just by spending time in the middle of the mountains. As I continued walking, I found a place where a fire had apparently been. It was quite an interesting phenomenon. On one side of the path, everything was charred and dead and burnt, while the other side was lush and green and beautifully overgrown. I took a picture to try and capture the effect.




I continued driving and hiking around for the entire morning, enjoying every second of it.

I decided I want to live down a road that looks like this:

I don't know where I'll find a place like that to live, except in the middle of nowhere. But I am going to find a place similar enough one day where I can live and enjoy going out to visit with Mother Nature often.

I had to drive into Gatlinburg to gas up at one point and nearly gagged when I saw the gas prices there. $2.25 a gallon! In Clarksville it's $2.09. As I finished putting just enough gas in the tank to get me by, the screen on the pump read "Thank you for your business." I laughed out loud, and without thinking sarcastically said back "Thank you for eating my wallet!" Then I realized I was talking to an inanimate object and the guy at the other pump was staring at me. I just smiled and got in my car and left. I didn't care what anyone thought of me.

Aside from the outrageous prices there, I fell in love with Gatlinburg. It's a huge tourist spot, but it's such a beautiful little city. The architecture and old-fashioned designs of lots of the older buildings there just enthralled me. I drove down the same street four times just because I loved looking at everything so much. I could easily live in a place that looks like that and be completely happy my entire life. One day after I've saved up a huge wad of cash I'll take a real vacation to Gatlinburg.

My last destination before I decided I was ready to come back home was a place I'd been three years ago, almost exactly to the date. It's the highest point on the Appalachian Trail and the tower built there looks like something straight out of star wars. As I drove farther up the mountain toward Clingman's Dome, I suddenly found myself in a cloud. The last time I was there was like that too--so foggy I couldn't see more than maybe 50 feet in front of me. It's really cool, but I was kinda bummed out. I really wanted to see the view from the top of the mountain! As I walked back down I recognized where the walking path met up with the Appalachian Trail. When I made it back to the car, my hair was practically dripping wet because of how dense the fog was. I loved it!

On the drive back down there were patches of light where the sun was melting through the fog. Words can't describe what a beautiful experience it all was, being there and seeing and feeling what I did. What a refreshing and all around lovely experience! I'll have to do that from time to time when I get to feeling overloaded or unhappy. That was one of the most therapeutic things I've ever done. I know I love it, but I always seem to forget just how much I love the outdoors until I make it back there again...

search results yield unrelated points of interest

Yesterday I was going through some of my artwork and deciding what to put into my portfolio when I apply to the Industrial Design program at school. Bob shipped the art that was left in Utah to me here in Tennessee (which I'm super thankful for) and it should make it here tomorrow. Several of my art pieces aren't finished, mostly because I'm a perfectionist and I take forever making things look exactly how I want them. I don't want to put a bunch of half-finished pieces in my portfolio, so I'm hoping I can finish most of them before the end of June (since I'll have no time in July).

One is a sketch of a Renaissance (or maybe even Greek mythology style) statue, and I can't remember who originally made it or what the title of the piece is. So I've been looking around online for a few hours trying to find it, but with no luck.

I did, however, find some things that don't relate at all to what I'm currently trying to do. If you like random items of interest, read on.

. ___________________ .

1. Zero Carbon House Project

"We have built a zero carbon house on Britain’s most northerly island of Unst, which will bring obvious benefits to the environment. Our carbon neutral home lowers the carbon footprint by producing its own energy and storing it to heat the home. We also use this energy to fuel an electric vehicle for transportation. Food will be grown in hi-tech greenhouses using a hydroponic growing system.

We hope our zero carbon house will be a useful study vehicle for research, giving students the unique opportunity to view a real eco-house, meet the people who live there, and regularly access the energy usage data that will be updated daily online. We also hope that we make a small contribution to conserving the environment in which we live for future generations to enjoy."

http://www.zerocarbonhouse.com/Home.aspx

2. Bruce Lee was the master.

3. A bridge that ain't just a bridge.

	Photography: © John Offenbach for stocklandmartel.com

The latest cultural adornment to a 2.1-million-square-foot mixed-use development in the Paddington region of West London is a pedestrian bridge that’s as much mobile sculpture as engineered structure. Spanning the mouth of a small dock off the Grand Union canal, the Rolling Bridge rests steady for foot traffic, but opens for boat navigation by curling upward and onto its one fixed support, like a scorpion’s tail. The 39.4-foot-long bridge, which has a steel frame and timber deck, was designed by Thomas Heatherwick Studio of London.

The structural metamorphosis from footpath to wheel has become a weekly spectacle for passersby since the bridge’s inauguration in September. The feat occurs more often when needed for navigation. “We think it’s fantastic,” says Mike Rayner, an official with Chelsfield, Paddington’s lead developer, which commissioned Heatherwick for the project.

Set among a number of Modern, understated buildings, the bridge was detailed “seriously and maturely” and is “almost boring” under normal use, says Stuart Wood, a project designer. “That heightens the element of surprise when it starts to do its action. There is a strong element of theater.”

. ___________________ .

In other news, I'm officially accepted to work EFY in San Antonio and Bowling Green, KY. I'm going to be a Stake Leader at Girls Camp in June. I'm working at the bead shop again for a month or so. I'm about to get to work painting a basic mural in some one's house. I've been debating whether or not I should attempt to build a window seat and then photograph that to put in my portfolio as well. The only problem is time. I never have enough of it.

Vacation success; vacation sickness.

I flew out to Utah for three weeks. I stayed at Russ and Ashley's house, sleeping on the couch, though I feel like I hardly saw them at all with everything else I was trying to do and take care of during my time here.

I did my first triathlon, I visited a friend in Nevada and made a little cash during those four days, I worked out getting my old job back in August, I took another career test, I met with my academic advisor a couple of times, I changed majors and I'm finally working on my application for my study of choice within BYU, my relationship with Bob has just gotten better every day, and I've seen several old mission friends and companions.

However, I haven't yet found a place to live in the fall. I've looked and everybody seems to have space for spring/summer, but none for fall/winter. How stupid. Okay, it's really just irritating. I'm also being kind of picky. I'm tired of apartment complexes and I'd like to live in a house or duplex with some other girls. That's the part that's making it so difficult. I guess I'll settle for an apartment again if I don't have any luck by August. If anybody has any leads on women's housing, let me know.

And I couldn't have a perfect vacation. I never can. I've had this lingering cold for over a month now, and every time I think I'm getting better, I discover that I'm not. I get these coughing attacks, sinus headaches, and I get unpredictably runny noses. Sunday morning I woke up feeling a bit more groggy than usual. I went back to sleep (thank goodness church doesn't start here until 12:45pm) and woke up later, still feeling a little worse than usual. I had one of those sinus headaches, I felt drained, I had no energy, and my inner right ear was feeling just a bit sore. I got ready for church and didn't think much of it, because my body has just been doing weird things lately. I walked over to Bob's house and sank onto his couch waiting for him to finish getting ready for church. I wasn't feeling any better since I'd woken up. I actually noticed myself feeling worse. But I put on a smile and we went to church. The meetings were great and my spirits were uplifted, but my headache had gotten worse and the pain in my ear was also much worse. Then my menstrual cramps hit, to top it all off. We made it back to Bob's house and I curled up on the couch. I didn't move at all for a few hours except to call my mom about a remedy for my ear (garlic oil dropped into my ears every two hours). Then a friend of mine stopped by, and I acted as happy and perky as I could until he left. As soon as I closed the door behind him I curled back up into a miserable ball on the couch and didn't move at all for another few hours.

Bob was sweet. He made me dinner. He got me Tylenol. He got me a pillow and a blanket so I'd be more comfortable. He made an emergency run to the store on his bike for tampons and the things I needed for my ear. He looked up reflexology online and found all the different points on my hands and feet to massage in hopes that it would alleviate some of my cramps and other pains (and it did!). He rubbed my feet until I fell asleep. I was completely out, exhausted from all the various pains I was feeling. Then he didn't know what to do, because he didn't want to wake me up, but it was late and girls aren't supposed to sleep over. He tried to wake me enough to leave, but I guess I wasn't having any of it. He called Ben (which I think I suggested because I didn't want everybody worrying about me) and told him what was up, that I was sick and miserable and completely out on his couch....

I woke up around 8-ish this morning, still curled up on Bob's couch and slightly confused at first. After remembering yesterday, I felt bad because I completely broke the rules. But I'll admit, it was nice to wake up to quiet, especially with my painful ears. I'm usually a happy morning person, and I love waking up to my nephews excitedly pointing at me when they see that I'm awake, then coming and giving me hugs. I'm just not sure how pleasant I would have been this morning.

Bob made me breakfast, rubbed my feet more, and I finally started to feel a bit better. My ears are still pretty tender, but the cramps aren't nearly as severe, and the headache is almost all gone.

Now I get to fly home tomorrow. I get the impression that it might be pretty painful unless that garlic oil really kicks in today. I might get a blessing tonight if I'm not doing much better than I am now. We'll see...

brilliant birthdays are the BEST

I love my birthday!

I love it because it's always in spring when things are turning green and beautiful again--flowers blooming and trees laced with baby leaves and blossoms. And usually it's bright, warm, and sunny too.

Sometimes I get a gift or two, but those aren't the things that make my birthday so special. Almost everybody who means anything to me talks to me. Friends and family members call me. I get cards and letters. I get hugs and people sing me songs.

Plus it never falls on a Fast Sunday even though it's at the beginning of the month. Thank you General Conference! I really enjoyed the morning session today.

I bought myself a birthday present this afternoon. I think it's the only thing I'll buy for myself for the rest of this year. So the next time I think about going on a spending splurge or spontaneous shopping spree, I'll remember what I bought for myself today and I'm pretty sure I'll get a huge grin on my face be okay with not spending any money, because it was worth it.



I'm so stoked!!! It's not quite even two years old, originally $1600 (and I'm not admitting what I paid for it, though it was quite a bit less than that!). The girl I bought it from had gotten it summer before last because her boyfriend was really into biking. Then they broke up and she hasn't touched it since. It's still in great condition and everything. While I was looking at it and trying to figure out why I shouldn't buy it, her mom decided to throw in her bike helmet, biking gloves, and extra tire tubes as well. Then she said, "If I could find those bike shoes she used I'd give them to you too..." I got my checkbook out of the car and traded that slip of paper for my beautiful 'new' bike.

Then we met up with my dad and had a nice lunch at the Cheesecake Factory in Nashville. It was DELICIOUS. I seriously have no words for how good that food was. I got a grilled chicken and avocado bacon sandwich and loved every bite of it along with my huge glass of raspberry lemonade. Our waiter was flirting with all the girls he waited on, and he made no exception for me. In fact, when he found out it was my birthday it got even better. I wound up with a succulent slice of white chocolate and caramel macadamia nut cheesecake for dessert--my birthday cake. Then our waiter forgot to put a candle in it, so he brought me a little ice cream fudge sundae topped with whipped cream and a candle, brought a few other waiters with him, and they all sang happy birthday to me. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

I got home finally and rode my bike. Oh, it was amazing! I knew it was love at first sight, but I love her even more now! She needs a name... Any suggestions? I think I have to ride her more to figure out what she'll be called. I've been wanting to buy a bike anyway, so this works out perfectly. I'm so getting my ripped, muscular legs back!

Anyone wanna go for a bike ride?

Ah, the joy!

I love San Diego!

When the plane touched down I listened to the funny messages Bob had left on my phone while I was in the air ("You're sitting on a chair, in the sky!!" [Click here and watch this video.]). Then I called him to tell him I was here. He answered and apologized that he wasn't at the airport yet. I finally got off the plane (after waiting for a lady to get escorted off by some paramedics because she started having some issues in the air) and I went down to the baggage claim area. I waited for what seemed like forever for the luggage from my flight to appear, and the whole time I was glancing over my shoulder impatiently and excitedly, anxious to see Bob again, while the butterflies in my stomach were multiplying and fluttering like there was a field of a million flowers in it. I finally saw one of my suitcases, and grabbed it. I saw the other one a couple of minutes later, and as I pulled it off the conveyor belt and placed it next to my other one I saw a glimpse of Bob's face and suddenly his arms were around me. I hugged him back and couldn't have brought myself to let go sooner than I finally did. We had a movie-worthy airport reunion kiss and then we made it to his truck (I love his truck, by the way, even though its really old and doesn't run the best--there's just so many memories attached to it). As we drove down the freeway toward his family's house I couldn't stop smiling. I love the San Diego sun and how it feels on my skin, the myriads of flowers and palm trees, the way I ride in the passenger seat with my hand in the crook of Bob's elbow, and the wind in my hair with the windows down. It's just like I remember, maybe even better.

The other day we were going somewhere, and as we walked out of the front door Bob stopped me on their front patio and embraced me. Then he asked a question that made me smile and laugh a little at him, but made my day (and made my week and perhaps month, etc.). He said, "Will you be my girlfriend?" I wasn't sure how to react, even though I was quite sure of my answer. We'd never had that label ever before. We'd never been exclusive. We'd always had limits and reasons to not be exclusive. I guess all that's over with now. I just smiled, and after Bob sort of laughed at himself, mentioning how he felt like high school again, I accepted. So now he's been introducing me to everyone by saying, "This is my girlfriend, Janae," and I can't help but smile every time he says it.

So far we've just spent a lot of time together talking and going busily to various places and events that have been planned. I've met his favorite people and his best friends who I hadn't met before because they were all on missions the last time I was here. I can't wait to hang out with Stan and Lyssa again!

Then one of his two best friends, Eric, got married this past Friday. I'd never been to a sealing at the temple, but I was invited to go even though I hardly knew these two people. Bob was Eric's best man so I kind of tagged along everywhere and it was okay. It was beautiful! Absolutely gorgeous!! The Spirit there was so strong and inspiring. It made me really wish I'd been able to see each of my brothers get sealed in their respecive temples. The luncheon afterward was fun--it was at a Chinese buffet they'd rented out. Then there was some chill time before the reception that evening, which was fun and tons of people turned out. But fun as it was, by the end I was really exhausted and I just wanted to spend some time with Bob--just me and him. So we did, and we stayed out until about 4am.

At church on Sunday, after Sacrament Meeting they have announcements and have visitors stand up and introduce themselves. Bob introduced me as he usually does now, and the bishopric member presiding said, "And you're okay being seen with him?" Everybody laughed, but then the bishopric reiterated the fact that they, along with everyone else, love Bob dearly. It made me laugh. I guess most people don't really realize how long Bob and I have known each other. It's been more than three years now--about three years and four months. Holy cow... It doesn't seem like it's been that long somtimes.

There was a baptism after church on Sunday, and the girl who was baptized is great. Her name is Justine. I met her in Relief Society, and I could just feel the spirit eminating from her. She was so excited for that ordinance! At the beginning of the RS lesson, someone from Elders Quorum came in, and since it's always a little odd to have a guy in Relief Society, we all stopped to see what he needed. He asked if there was someone who'd be willing to conduct the music for the baptism. Nobody moved. So I raised my hand and said I'd do it. How typical of me. I enjoyed it though. Justine and her friend who brought her into the church are Polynesian, so the baptism was a blast! There were two special musical numbers, one of which involved a ukelele. There was food afterward, of course. And there were tons of people in attendance. Plus the Spirit there was strong, happy, and relaxing.

Then we had dinner back at the Pettit's after church, and two of Bree's (Bob's little sister) friends came over. We all ate and talked for a few hours. It was nice to sit and really enjoy the company I was in. It felt like home for me, the way it used to feel to have mine and my brothers' friends come over and eat after church. We laughed a lot and I could still feel the Spirit in the room, carried over from church. It was soothing, after having such a busy week.

So now its on to week two of my trip here! This week doesnt have quite as much scheduled as last week, although I think Bob still has a few things up his sleeve that he's not telling me. He likes to surprise me, which is good because I like surprises.

Babysitting comes to an end... for now anyway...

Thursday afternoon went by smoothly, for the most part. Gabby sprung a leak during her nap, so I stripped herself and her bed and washed everything. As I was getting her all changed Angelica came home. She was kind of bummed, wishing all day long that school would have been canceled for the weather (it had been alternating between snowing, sleeting, and icing from the sky all day long), and her younger sister was getting on her nerves. Plus I think they both missed their parents a lot. But there wasn't any school Friday, so I know that had to help cheer things up a bit. Jake didn't have soccer practice, and there was nothing else scheduled for the evening. Hooray!

I made German Pancakes for dinner. As I was slicing up bananas for a fruit salad to go along with it, Angelica came over to the counter and casually asked, "Can we do something tonight?"
"Like what?" I asked.
"Well, sometimes my parents take us out for dinner, but I really wanna go see a movie."
"Your parents take all of you to the theater?" I questioned, with Gabby in mind.
"Yeah."
"Well, let me think about it." I didn't really have to think about it for more than a few seconds. I'm broke, and paying for more than one movie ticket was way out of the question. I know Angelica hadn't realized that--what nine-year-old would? But they have a three-day weekend! I decided we had to do something fun and different from the previous two nights.

I think everyone enjoyed dinner. Who doesn't like breakfast at any time of the day? Jake had some library books due, so we got all loaded up in the Toyota Sequoia and returned them. I noticed a Blockbuster on the way there, so as Jake got back in the car from dropping the books off I said, "So how about we go rent a movie? I saw a Blockbuster on the way here..." Everyone responded excitedly, and I figured I could drop five or six bucks for it. We all went in, and it took a while, but we settled on Beverly Hills Chihuahua and a couple older DVDs for 99 cents each. $6.27 total. Not bad at all.

We got back, and Gabby wasn't in a good mood, though the other two kids were. So Jacob took her up and put her in bed. I'd forgotten until after he'd put her down for the night, but her bedding (and more importantly her favorite blanket that she never ever sleeps without) was all still in the drier. Oh, what a hard night for the poor little girl. Moody, morose, missing mommy, and to top it off, no favorite comfort blanket to sleep with. She got to sleep pretty quickly though. Jake and Angelica and I got some snacks and turned on the movie. It's ridiculous. Nobody see that movie unless you've got someone under 10-years-old with you.

Afterward we headed downstairs to just hang out for a bit longer before bed. Jake got on the computer, and Angelica and I stood around snacking on food in the kitchen and just talking. We wound up playing a short, unplanned game of indoor soccer around their house, in socks on the wood floors. No, we didn't break anything (I tried to be extra careful), and it was actually really fun. Angelica kept getting sillier and sillier as it got later and later. She started bothering Jake as he was at the computer, so he started chasing her around the house. Angelica ran towards me for protection, but I just stayed in my chair and explained that she got herself into her predicament and she'd have to deal with the consequences from her brother. I finally decided it was bedtime around 10:15pm, so I got her to change into pajamas and grab her scriptures. It took several tries to peel Jake away from the computer, but he finally came over and plopped on the couch next to Angelica. Then they wouldn't stop playfully picking on each other. I suddenly found myself quoting my mother exactly: "Do I have to come and sit between you two?" I just blinked after I said it and understood only too well why my mom always said half the things she did. I moved to sit between them, and neither of them moved out of the way as I paused before I sat down. Jake had his legs across the couch, with his feet squishing Angelica, and she was squirming and tangling her arms around his legs. When I realized they weren't moving, I just sat on top of them. Jake didn't think I'd actually do that, so he thought it was hilarious, and Angelica was happy that I'd finally defended her from her brother.

We read the beginning of Alma 27 and discussed briefly what they each understood from the series of verses. We had family prayer, I hugged Angelica and walked her to her room. As she went to borrow her brother's mp3 player to listen to some music as she went to sleep (a normal occurrence) I turned down her blankets for her. I hugged her goodnight one more time and left her room so she could read some scriptures on her own and go to sleep. As I went to straighten up the house, I reminded Jake that he knew when he needed to go to bed and not to stay up too late. He's the most responsible 14-year-old I think I've ever met. I went and changed, and by the time I finished brushing my teeth and washing my face he'd already gotten off the computer and turned out the lights downstairs. That kid impresses me more all the time. I called Bob (once again) but he didn't answer, so I just left a message. I was so exhausted once again that I went right to sleep, even though I debated waiting up for him to call me back.

Friday. I love Fridays. I woke up at 6am to my alarm, then I turned it off and closed my eyes, subconsciously listening for Gabby on the baby monitor. I didn't actually get up until 7:00am, and I was surprised that Gabby was still asleep. I went and sat on the couch in the TV room and turned on the morning news. 15 minutes later I hear her talking in her room. I opened her door and peeked in. I asked if she slept well and she said yes. She asked to watch one of her TV shows and then asked for a snack. As she kept entertained I got out the makings for pancakes and retrieved all the laundry I'd left in the drier over night. As I went back upstairs with Gabby's blankets to remake her bed, she saw me walk in her room and followed me in.
"What are you doing?" she asked. Then she caught sigh of her blanket and gasped. "My blankey!!!" she squealed and yanked it out of my hands. She dramatically collapsed to the floor and hugged it for a good long minute or two in complete silence. Then she stood back up and observantly said, "It's nice and clean now."
I laughed in agreement then asked her, "Was it hard to sleep without it last night?"
Without any hesitation she clearly stated, "Yes," with her little arms folded across her chest, still clinging her blanket to herself.
I smiled. "Isn't it nice to have it back now?"
"Uh huh!" she replied, then handed it to me so I could finish making her bed.

Angelica and Jake both eventually woke up at different times. We enjoyed pancakes at different intervals and then we all just lounged around. It felt like a Saturday. What a treat as a child, to have two Saturdays in a row!

Gabby got back in a bossy little mood later and didn't want to do anything any of us said. I made her take a bath around 10:30am. After I got her dressed and combed her hair I sent her right upstairs for a nap. Then I got in the shower. When I got out her room was quiet at first, but then I heard her bustling around in there. I just wished she'd go to sleep! Maybe she got too much sleep last night, not waking up until 7:15am. I left her in there though, hoping that she might figure it out and doze off or something.

Angelica requested a grilled cheese sandwich, so I made both her and Jake each one. Jake decided to make more cookies as Angelica and I watched one of the 99 cent movies we'd rented. When it went over I headed back downstairs to tidy-up the house a bit before the parents came home. I finished putting the cookies on a plate and washed the pan I'd used for making the grilled cheese sandwiches. As I was drying it off I turned around and there were Tracy and Shane standing in the doorway to the kitchen, quietly grinning as I was putting things away. How long had they been standing there?

We chatted and I filled them in on all the happenings. They had a wonderful time away but were so happy to be back home. It was really pleasant to talk to some adults again. I got kind of carried away, and after an hour of fun conversation I finally left and drove home.

Angelica was sad to see me leave. She was so sweet! She gave me a picture she'd drawn and a big hug goodbye. She was excited to know I'd be back to babysit some more in April.

And Tracy gave me the biggest compliment ever and she probably doesn't even know it! She said that she could tell I did a good job with her kids because "there was a good spirit" in their home when she walked in. That's what I'd been hoping and praying for the whole time! Seriously, it's more than just watching some kids and keeping them out of trouble. I love children! We played and had so much fun together. I felt bad getting any money out of it because it was seriously such a blast. But it'll be very helpful to me to have any extra cash right now, so I appreciated whatever it was they gave me.

Now I get to go on an absolutely wonderful two-week vacation to San Diego. Oh, that is going to be so great and I can't wait for it. Three days to go!

Babysitting continues, with hilarity.

Thursday. I woke up at 6:00am to make sure Jacob had gotten up and was ready to go to Seminary. He was. Good kid! Gabby woke up early, but I didn't go in to get her until 6:30am. She complained about her tummy hurting. As she ate breakfast and watched her TV shows, I was in and out helping Angelica get ready for school. at one point I walked by where Gabby was sitting and got a good whiff of a dirty-diaper scent. I stopped and asked her if she needed to be changed. She said no. I asked if she just was passing gas. She said no. I went on helping Angelica but being wary of Gabby too.
Then it happened. Gabby ran over to me crying and holding her rear-end. I asked if she needed to be changed and she nodded her head rigorously then screamed, "It hurts!!! It's hurting me!!" and continued to scream and roll on the floor still holding her hind-side. I rushed her into the bathroom and began pulling her pajamas off. She was already yanking her pull-up down before I could take her feet out of the footies. All I can say about that particular diaper is WHOA. Talk about explosion! It reeked so I decided I'd just throw her in the bathtub earlier today. Then Gabby kept crying and saying she had a rash. I didn't notice one, but I have no doubt that she was in pain. I calmed her down and cleaned her up a bit until she felt okay to take a bath on her own. I still monitered her, but she played with her toys and washed her own hair, although i had to help rinse it out.

By that time Angelica was waiting for her bus, so I was going back and forth from the front door to the bathroom every few minutes to check on both of them. As I was back watching Gabby for a minute, Angelica yelled "It's here! My bus is here!" So I ran back to see her off.
Not ten seconds later I hear Gabby, "Gelica!!!! Wait!!!" and she comes streaking out of the bathroom and through the kitchen, stark naked and soaking wet.
My first thought was, 'Oh no, I can't let people see a naked, wet toddler chasing her sister down the sidewalk,' plus it was freezing outside. And then Gabby tried to slow down as she neared the front door. She slipped on the wood floor and slid into me like I was homeplate. I yelled for Angelica to come and give her sister a hug inside as I gripped the slick and soaked three-year-old like a bear to keep her from jetting out the front door. Angelica obliged, afterwhich I told Gabby to get back in the bathtub because it was cold. She took off running naked through the house again and I yelled for her to walk so she wouldn't slip and hurt herself. I waved to the busdriver as Angelica got on the bus. Then I closed the door and cracked up laughing. How adorable is it that Gabby thought it was so crucial that her sister gets a hug from her before school? Talk about having her priorities straight.

And thank goodness, Gabby went down for a nap just fine today. Earlier she threw some tantrums and yelled for no reason, when I did or didn't do what she wanted. But when I asked if she wanted some yogurt before her nap she happily accepted it, even asking for seconds. Then as soon as she was done she said "I need stowies! I need my stowies!!" She picked two story books, I read them to her, and then as I put them away she made her way to the stairs. Then she pretended to be a snake all the way up the stairs, across the TV room, to her room, and into her bed. I gave her a couple of books to 'read' as she fell asleep, tucked her in, turned on her music, and closed the door on my way out.

And I haven't heard her wake up yet. Ah, the peace and quiet is absolutely wonderful! I finally showered again and ate lunch. I'm sure if my mom reads this she'll just be smirking at this point thinking, "Oh yeah, you just wait until they're actually your kids..."

So, about that appreciation for moms... I knew I'd develop that gratitude one day when I had children of my own, but I feel like I skipped that whole pregnancy/childbirth/newborn/infant/baby process and jumped into full-on motherhood for the past two days. I'm glad it's something you work up towards usually. I've officially decided I could never marry someone who already has kids, for this reason alone (although there's a lot of other reasoning behind that statement too, obviously).