Ascension II, though it was my first.

Yesterday I was minding my own business, lounging and playing a highly addictive video game, when I got a phone call. I checked my phone and had to blink twice to make sure it was who I thought it was. Jefferson Defago. You see, he'd been the one and only friend I'd had since high school. We even dated in high school, ended on good enough terms, and were friends ever since. He's hilarious and way into extreme outdoor hobbies, like I am. Then I got home from my mission, and began hanging out a lot, and shortly thereafter we had a falling-out of sorts (though truthfully, I'm still confused about that whole thing). I even cried a little because of it (although now-days, that's not hard to make me do). I made an attempt to call him a few weeks ago and try to pretend things were all behind us, but the conversation didn't go as I'd hoped, so I pansied out of trying to patch things up.

So the fact that he was calling me was quite a surprise. I debated on letting him leave a message or if I should answer. Then I scoffed at myself for the ridiculous deliberation that had just passed through my mind and answered. He asked if I was going to the climbing competition the next day. I said I wasn't really planning on it. Then he got in his sarcastic accusing voice and said, "Oh, come on!" to which I laughed and then agreed to show up, even though I'm not in the shape I'd like to be in yet.

I got there, signed up for the beginner's group, signed my life away on a waiver, got my gear on, and listened to the rules. As the competition began and I watched the first people start their ascent, a few of the people there approached me and introduced themselves. Then some others did, afterwhich I was in such a friendly mood that I did the same and met some of the participants I didn't know there. That was everyone, actually. It was great to watch other people try and some succeed and others just learn from their mistakes--myself included especially in the latter of the two. It was so frustrating to see these moves I needed to make, see how my body needed to move--even know how it would feel for my body to make those moves, and yet be completely unable to do them. I didn't even flash any of the four routes I attempted. (In other words, I never got to the top.) I realized that a year and a half ago, I would have been competing in the intermediate group and done really well there. As I am now though, I'm in the worst shape of my entire life. Even when I wasn't rock climbing regularly, I still had lots of muscle and strength from whatever other activities and hobbies I'd do (bailing hay, snowboarding, working at BYU, hiking, etc). Now I have hardly any upper body strength. I finished sixth in my group--dead last. I figured as much. I wasn't really expecting myself to perform like I would have at the peak of my climbing career, which happened to be during the summer I left to serve a mission. I have no endurance and no forearm strength, and my legs are even weak. I now wish I could go every day. The problem is it either costs too much to go indoor where I could have almost anyone who works there belay me, or the weather is so unpredictable this time of year it'd be hit-and-miss and I'd have to have someone with no schedule (like me) to come and belay for me. I guess I'll just stick to my triathlon training for now and just climb whenever I can.

I used to say it wasn't a sacrifice to go on a mission, and that it was really a blessing and a pleasure. That is true. But now I'm realizing how much of a sacrifice it actually was. I literally had to give up some of my favorite things just to go and do the Lord's work. Had I really known just how bad-off physically I'd be now, I'm not sure if it would have been such an easy choice to go serve a mission. It's hard for me to struggle so much with what I know I can do. I know, I'll get it back. That's what everyone's been saying. But it's just taking so long and it's hard not to get so upset over it. Aside from the Gospel, these things are my passion! Imagine at one time being so able, and then one day you find yourself not being able to read well, or draw well, or sew in a straight (or even semi-straight) line. That's what it's like for me. Seriously! It's so frustrating to know what I'm capable of and yet not be able to reach it.

I guess I could compare it to eternity, right? Here we are in this life, and according to what our choices are now we will either live up to or fall short of what we know we can become. I can't imagine seeing so many people going to dwell in the Celestial Kingdom with God, knowing I could have been there too, but not being able to go with them. I'm sure it'd be even more devastating than what I'm feeling now. All the more reason to work hard now, both in regaining my physic and in gaining the rest of my life, right?