I've been thinking more and more about that business idea from my last post. I've been talking to a lot of people about it too. So far my husband supports it (although he's nervous at the idea, like he is about anything so risky and exciting), my Mom thinks I should give it a go, my siblings and friends are supportive and offering help and advice to help me get started, and the manager at my credit union is giving me all sorts of resources to go to for help.
I'm writing down the ideas that come to me in the middle of the night (using a little notepad on my nightstand in the dark so that when I look at it the next day I have to decipher what exactly I was thinking about). I'm making a thorough business plan. I'm looking at food handling classes/permits. I'm toying with store names and items to sell in the attached bakery I'm planning on doing along with the shop. I looked at a location on Tuesday evening with the leasing agent and really liked it. I'm thinking about quitting my job in May and working at a bakery over the summer for experience (thanks for the idea, Lauren!). I'm seeing crafty items I can make and thinking of ways to keep the store stocked. I'm thinking about marketing and advertising and getting my name out and people in.
I would love to get this thing going in the fall. Or even next spring. I'd hate to wait any longer because I'm scared my energy and excitement might fade or I'll just find something else to be too involved in and not give myself time to really do this. We'll be here for several years still with Bob's schooling, so why not do something like this now? As my mom put it, there's nothing keeping me from doing it. And even if I were to fail miserably, I'd definitely learn a lot of valuable lessons from it and I'd know what not to do.
I know it'll be stressful and the hours will be early and long. I'll have employees to hire and legal stuff to deal with. I'll have taxes to figure out and finances to learn about. There will be stocking and inventory lists. There will be permits to acquire and regulations to follow. There will be some big expensive purchases and some remodeling to take place.
But among all of that, there will be tons of opportunities to be creative. I'll be my own boss and work out my own hours and pay (which could turn out good or bad). There will be people to serve and customers to gain, not to mention experiences and chances to learn and grow.
Overall, I think those benefits will be better and more fun for me than if I just stayed stuck here with what I'm doing now. I feel stagnant right now, which is only really at work but it seems to affect me elsewhere. It carries over to how I feel about my school work, and how I feel about myself in general. I feel like me as a person cannot progress any further or improve my potential by staying where I'm currently employed.
The reason I feel that way is probably just a result of being employed as an RSM for so long. I've been employed my DAP since October 2004 (with a break for a mission for 18 months). Everyone I started working here with is long gone. So why am I still here? I'll be 24 in April. I probably won't graduate until I'm 27ish, but I don't want to wait until then to let my life go somewhere or do something productive and exciting. Maybe it's just a mental block I'm putting on myself. Whatever it is, I need something different than what I'm doing now.
Way different.
I think owning a small business will be plenty different.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Inspirations and Asperations
I recently went into a little shop just full of fun home decor items, picture frames and wall hangings, scarves and aprons and headbands, flowers, etc. I loved it!
And then I realized that I know how to make almost everything that was in there.
So I got to thinking about how fun it would be to work in a little shop like that. Then I thought about how easy it would probably be to start. I've got the skills, and because I know I couldn't do it alone I'd likely hire a few other crafty people to help me along. All I have to do is get past this fear of taking out a loan. I think that's the only way I could afford to do it, and my credit union probably has some good business loan options. I'll just have to look into it.
I know something like that would be extremely time consuming, but I'm down to taking 6 credits a semester now until I graduate. Plus, I think it would be worth it to love my job again. It's not that I hate the one I'm at now, but I feel so limited by it. I'm pretty sure I'm at the maximum hourly wage allowed for RSMs, there's no further promotion I can get (plus I'm really not interested in ever becoming Events Manager--sitting at a computer making phone calls and scheduling out the various setups/strikes for all the performances each semester). I'm limited to 20-ish hours of work a week since I'm a student and a campus employee.
Owning a crafty little shop would take most of my time during the day, but if it's an atmosphere that I like and I get to create things and use my hobbies and talents the whole time, I think I'd really like it. I say that now, but who knows if I'll still feel that way after actually doing that, right? Well, I loved working at the bead shop in Clarksville, and I seriously would have loved to work full time there. I think that's similar enough. And obviously as the owner of a business I'd have to deal with all the budget and inventory issues as well, but then again, I could always hire someone to do that part for me. Plus Bob talked about how he'd like to help out if I ever actually get this idea up and running. He'd be pretty decent at that I think.
I see all the pros and cons to this idea (okay, maybe not ALL of them right now but I see lots of each), but I'm not scared of giving it a shot. I really want to. Plus at this point in life I feel like I could focus a lot on the poor college student apartment and how to make it nicer for cheaper. I'd love to make almost everything in the store for sale too, including the window drapes, tables that things are displayed on, etc. I could even offer kits or classes on how to make various things.
I definitely want to do it. Now, when is the question. Next semester would be awesome. But it seems like these dreams of mine are only dreams and I never actually do them. But that is slowly changing. I am going to Singapore in May for a study abroad. That's something I'd always dream about but never actually do, and here I am getting a passport and rolling out a few thousand dollars for it. I'm actually doing it! Now I feel more motivation to do this store idea. Bob did suggest that I start online. Maybe that would be a good place to get things rolling and start making some income to fund this little shop idea. We'll see. I'm feeling kind of excited about it.
Oh, and I got free frozen yogurt today. Life really can be so great sometimes.
And then I realized that I know how to make almost everything that was in there.
So I got to thinking about how fun it would be to work in a little shop like that. Then I thought about how easy it would probably be to start. I've got the skills, and because I know I couldn't do it alone I'd likely hire a few other crafty people to help me along. All I have to do is get past this fear of taking out a loan. I think that's the only way I could afford to do it, and my credit union probably has some good business loan options. I'll just have to look into it.
I know something like that would be extremely time consuming, but I'm down to taking 6 credits a semester now until I graduate. Plus, I think it would be worth it to love my job again. It's not that I hate the one I'm at now, but I feel so limited by it. I'm pretty sure I'm at the maximum hourly wage allowed for RSMs, there's no further promotion I can get (plus I'm really not interested in ever becoming Events Manager--sitting at a computer making phone calls and scheduling out the various setups/strikes for all the performances each semester). I'm limited to 20-ish hours of work a week since I'm a student and a campus employee.
Owning a crafty little shop would take most of my time during the day, but if it's an atmosphere that I like and I get to create things and use my hobbies and talents the whole time, I think I'd really like it. I say that now, but who knows if I'll still feel that way after actually doing that, right? Well, I loved working at the bead shop in Clarksville, and I seriously would have loved to work full time there. I think that's similar enough. And obviously as the owner of a business I'd have to deal with all the budget and inventory issues as well, but then again, I could always hire someone to do that part for me. Plus Bob talked about how he'd like to help out if I ever actually get this idea up and running. He'd be pretty decent at that I think.
I see all the pros and cons to this idea (okay, maybe not ALL of them right now but I see lots of each), but I'm not scared of giving it a shot. I really want to. Plus at this point in life I feel like I could focus a lot on the poor college student apartment and how to make it nicer for cheaper. I'd love to make almost everything in the store for sale too, including the window drapes, tables that things are displayed on, etc. I could even offer kits or classes on how to make various things.
I definitely want to do it. Now, when is the question. Next semester would be awesome. But it seems like these dreams of mine are only dreams and I never actually do them. But that is slowly changing. I am going to Singapore in May for a study abroad. That's something I'd always dream about but never actually do, and here I am getting a passport and rolling out a few thousand dollars for it. I'm actually doing it! Now I feel more motivation to do this store idea. Bob did suggest that I start online. Maybe that would be a good place to get things rolling and start making some income to fund this little shop idea. We'll see. I'm feeling kind of excited about it.
Oh, and I got free frozen yogurt today. Life really can be so great sometimes.
Valentines Day: It's not so bad after all.
I used to hate Valentines Day with a serious passion. I can't remember a single time that holiday ever went well. I even own a black t-shirt that has "I hate Valentines Day" in red letters across the front.
However, after years of dreading the lovely holiday, I had an amazing experience for once! But it wasn't even on February 14th. It was two days early. Why? Well, I had to work Saturday night, and since Valentines Day falls on a Sunday we can't exactly go out and make a big celebration of our love and spend lots of money that day. So for us, Valentines day was observed on February 12th, instead of the 14th. I think the big deal about this is that I actually celebrated it.
I had to work on Friday, from 1:30 until 4:30pm. I called Bob when I got off work to see if he wanted to pick me up as usual. He said he couldn't, which was fine. I don't mind walking a bit, especially with how beautiful the weather has been. He also asked me to check the mail on my way inside. So I started walking, enjoying the fact that I knew Bob was up to something.
I got to our house and walked around the corner to where our mail box is attached to the side of the house. I noticed something red on top of it. I realized it was a rose petal. And I just started smiling. I opened up the lid and looked inside to find more rose petals and a couple of small red gift-wrapped packages. I pulled them out, knowing full well that they were both some kind of chocolate (and Bob has classy taste in chocolate--these weren't Hershey or even Dove chocolate bars). I turned around and walked down the stairs toward our front door, and saw another rose petal on the door knob (I think every time I saw another one I smiled even wider than I already was).
As I opened the door I saw a trail of rose petals into the bedroom, and Bob was still in there, not quite ready for me to be home yet and still getting something ready. I said hello to him and said I was getting something to drink first (because I'm really bad at keeping myself hydrated anyway) and went to the kitchen to get a glass of grape juice (not wine but about as romantic as a non-alcoholic drink can be). Bob came out after a minute and hugged and kissed me. I don't remember what all our conversation consisted of, because I was just way too enthralled by the fact that someone had done something so sweet for me already.
But he wasn't finished yet. He walked over to the refrigerator and pulled out a gorgeous bouquet of flowers! I can't remember the last time anyone bought me flowers (unless it was myself for my wedding). There were three roses (one for each month we've been married), two stems of beautiful white orchids (similar to what was in my wedding bouquet), and some pretty green leafy stuff to fill it all in. I couldn't believe all the thought that went into that simple, small bunch of flowers. Bob then talked me into opening up my chocolate to see what kind it was (which really didn't take much talking into). The smaller one was some delectable orange flavored chocolate. Appropriate, I think. I opened the other one and it was some Chuao chocolate, made with cinnamon and cayenne pepper. Bob had bought some of that for me last year for Valentines Day, so I think it's becoming a tradition now (which, I really don't have a problem with at all).
Then I followed the trail of rose petals, which didn't just end abruptly, but led to our bed, which was pretty much covered in sweet smelling rose petals. I thought stuff like that only happened in movies. But really, I've got a romantic husband who spoils me quite well. Yes, we're newly-weds still, but I'm gonna live that up for as long as I can, which I honestly feel like will never really wear off. For four years now, just the thought of Bob makes my heart beat faster, and when I see him it's like a mass of butterflies is released into my stomach and I feel giddy like a girl with her first crush, and when he holds me... Well, my poor excuse for a vocabulary cannot even begin to express how that makes me feel. It's like I have this void I never knew I had is suddenly filled, because we fit so perfectly into each others arms. I feel more whole than I ever have before.
So, my Valentines day was amazing--the first of its kind. I just wanted to make a record of it.
I could definitely learn to like this holiday.
However, after years of dreading the lovely holiday, I had an amazing experience for once! But it wasn't even on February 14th. It was two days early. Why? Well, I had to work Saturday night, and since Valentines Day falls on a Sunday we can't exactly go out and make a big celebration of our love and spend lots of money that day. So for us, Valentines day was observed on February 12th, instead of the 14th. I think the big deal about this is that I actually celebrated it.
I had to work on Friday, from 1:30 until 4:30pm. I called Bob when I got off work to see if he wanted to pick me up as usual. He said he couldn't, which was fine. I don't mind walking a bit, especially with how beautiful the weather has been. He also asked me to check the mail on my way inside. So I started walking, enjoying the fact that I knew Bob was up to something.
I got to our house and walked around the corner to where our mail box is attached to the side of the house. I noticed something red on top of it. I realized it was a rose petal. And I just started smiling. I opened up the lid and looked inside to find more rose petals and a couple of small red gift-wrapped packages. I pulled them out, knowing full well that they were both some kind of chocolate (and Bob has classy taste in chocolate--these weren't Hershey or even Dove chocolate bars). I turned around and walked down the stairs toward our front door, and saw another rose petal on the door knob (I think every time I saw another one I smiled even wider than I already was).
As I opened the door I saw a trail of rose petals into the bedroom, and Bob was still in there, not quite ready for me to be home yet and still getting something ready. I said hello to him and said I was getting something to drink first (because I'm really bad at keeping myself hydrated anyway) and went to the kitchen to get a glass of grape juice (not wine but about as romantic as a non-alcoholic drink can be). Bob came out after a minute and hugged and kissed me. I don't remember what all our conversation consisted of, because I was just way too enthralled by the fact that someone had done something so sweet for me already.
But he wasn't finished yet. He walked over to the refrigerator and pulled out a gorgeous bouquet of flowers! I can't remember the last time anyone bought me flowers (unless it was myself for my wedding). There were three roses (one for each month we've been married), two stems of beautiful white orchids (similar to what was in my wedding bouquet), and some pretty green leafy stuff to fill it all in. I couldn't believe all the thought that went into that simple, small bunch of flowers. Bob then talked me into opening up my chocolate to see what kind it was (which really didn't take much talking into). The smaller one was some delectable orange flavored chocolate. Appropriate, I think. I opened the other one and it was some Chuao chocolate, made with cinnamon and cayenne pepper. Bob had bought some of that for me last year for Valentines Day, so I think it's becoming a tradition now (which, I really don't have a problem with at all).
Then I followed the trail of rose petals, which didn't just end abruptly, but led to our bed, which was pretty much covered in sweet smelling rose petals. I thought stuff like that only happened in movies. But really, I've got a romantic husband who spoils me quite well. Yes, we're newly-weds still, but I'm gonna live that up for as long as I can, which I honestly feel like will never really wear off. For four years now, just the thought of Bob makes my heart beat faster, and when I see him it's like a mass of butterflies is released into my stomach and I feel giddy like a girl with her first crush, and when he holds me... Well, my poor excuse for a vocabulary cannot even begin to express how that makes me feel. It's like I have this void I never knew I had is suddenly filled, because we fit so perfectly into each others arms. I feel more whole than I ever have before.
So, my Valentines day was amazing--the first of its kind. I just wanted to make a record of it.
I could definitely learn to like this holiday.
Monday, January 25, 2010
complaints and pet peeves
.....
Actually, that always really irritates me. I'm not going to go into too much detail, but basically I'm following the rules at work and people get mad at me for it. I'm just doing my job!! And I'm approached in a condescending way about what people want that I'm not supposed to do for them. That does NOT make me want to help any more than I already want to, which, I currently would rather slam my hand in a door than help this one guy. I'm waiting for the day when I snap and tell people like that just what I actually think of them. Until then, I'll keep getting my feelings hurt and doing everything they ask.
.....
So, I'm at work right now. I thought this production would be a fun one to work. It turns out that some, or rather, most of the people in this performing company seem to think they're just better than everybody else, or something. And then I become the victim of their frustrations. I'm just sitting here trying to do what they ask me to, because that is what I get paid for. But I do not get paid to be your verbal punching bag, thank you very much. And according to what I've heard from my co-workers, I'm not the only one who feels this way. I think really they just hate their job and should find something they're better cut out to do. If you're so unhappy and seek to be as unhelpful and difficult as possible, then why are you a part of this?!?!
On another note, school is requiring long hours from me. What's new about that? Oh, well, I stayed on campus for 27 hours straight at one point last week. Class, work, homework, and class again. Around 4am that night I thought to myself, 'This is ridiculous. I didn't know my death was required for a bachelor's degree.' I mean, really? I thought that might be required for a masters or doctorate maybe. But just a 4-year degree from a university? I am dedicated to this. I better be if I'm ever gonna graduate, having changed my major the several times that I have. But holy cow. Is it worth the toll it's taking on me? I've been on campus until 4 or 5 am working on assignments numerous times, and gone to class or work the following day. I've pulled all-nighters at home doing assignments, but never on campus.
I think I'm just getting worn down. I feel like I'm to the point where I just don't want to graduate anymore. Maybe I'm just tired because I haven't gotten a real vacation since before summer. I didn't get much of a Thanksgiving because I got married. I didn't have a relaxing Christmas break because my husband's sister got married, and when we got home we had a mess of an apartment to deal with from a ground water leak and a carpet dispute with the landlord. School started before we could get our house in order. I don't know where my checks are to pay the bills since Bob and I merged our accounts, and I'm waiting to buy more until I get my name officially changed. But I can't do that yet because we had a misunderstanding over who was taking care of getting us our marriage certificate. That's right, we still don't have it even though we got married over two months ago. And I'm not sure when I should take care of my assignments from the incomplete I took in one of my classes last semester.
I woke up this morning and went back to sleep a three times. Then I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed for an hour and a half. I just layed there with my eyes closed going over all the things I should have been doing. I think something needs to change. I need to drop something so I have a little more time to take care of myself. I'm so used to being an overacheiver that I always bite off more than I can handle, choke a few times, but somehow manage to get it all done. The only problem is I feel like I lose myself in the process a little more each time.
I miss having fun and doing my hobbies. I still haven't gone snowboarding a single time since I've been home from my mission. I have all these fun sewing projects I want to take care of but I don't have time to do. I have a bridesmaid dress business I'd like to get going. I have jewelry I want to make and sell, things I'd love to sketch and portraits I'd like to paint. I want to blog more, read fun books and novels more. There are sports I'd like to take part in, games I'd like to play, and outdoorsy things I'd like to do. But when I have time to do anything, I'm so tired that all I want to do is nothing.
I apologize for all the complaining. Sometimes I've just gotta vent and let things out. This way all these thoughts won't be plaguing my mind, I can move on, and they won't be lost.
On a happy note, I am on an indoor soccer team, thanks to Trina's persuasive pleads. I've missed playing soccer, so I'm grateful that I'm at least doing that, even though I'm way out of shape and I'm ridiculously sore from that short 41 minute game. But I did score the first two points in our soccer game on Saturday, with an assist from Ben, of course. It was pretty awesome.
Monday, December 28, 2009
a premature sigh of relief
I am so glad December is drawing to a close! My wedding last month, Bree's (Bob's younger sister) wedding this month, Christmas, and lots of driving and money-sucking activities are done!!
It was so nice to get home after all the madness. But I forgot. The madness isn't even over yet!
We're supposed to be getting new carpet. I don't know when, but we are. Today we're supposed to be getting a new carpet pad in the living room, but that's all that's scheduled. I wonder if they can just come and put the carpet in the bedroom while they're at it. We need it with our average 41 degree basement apartment with no heat. I'm probably breathing asbestos from the crumbing linoleum in there and my future children will have severe birth defects because of it. Maybe I can sue the owner for it and get tons of money and never have to work another day in my life. Just kidding. That would be lazy.
It's just super annoying because I can't put anything away right now. It'll all just have to get moved again. So I don't know where anything is right now because our bicycles are in the kitchen, the TV is on the recliner, all our blankets and sheets are crowding me here on the couch, and things are back in boxes and stacked where ever there is space. My house is a total mess, and I can't un-messify it yet. Gah!!
At least I have fuzzy slippers that Bob got me for Christmas.
I just finished budgeting what's left of our money. I can't believe how hard it can be to keep up with finances while on vacation. Suprisingly, we're doing okay. That's a relief.
Jennie Ray is coming to stay with us for a while on January 12th. She's needed to get out of Clarksville for a while now, and she finally is. I didn't want a lack of a place to live to keep her from leaving that town. She wanted to move out here anyway, and I would have loved to sell her my place at the pink house after I got married, but I didn't know she was looking at that time. Maybe in the summer and fall next year she can rent it out. It is a wicked-good deal. She deserves it.
And next semester starts a week from today. Ridiculous. How am I supposed to focus and do well in school when I don't have space to do homework at home because I'm waiting on carpet and never had time to get my home in order? At least I don't have any Friday classes scheduled. I just wish I could have bought a midweek pass to Sundance back in October. I wish i could have been able to afford to buy one, anyway. I'll just start saving now for next year.
I think I'll take a nap now. I should go grocery shopping or clean out the fridge (because I didn't do that before vacation and now the food in there is really old) or fix my hair and do something productive with myself, but I'm tired. I don't have work or school. And just being able to sleep right now and not have any time-pressing matter due today is a little advantage I just need to take right now. It really is such a tender mercy for me at the moment, pathetic as it might sound.
Sweet dreams to me.
It was so nice to get home after all the madness. But I forgot. The madness isn't even over yet!
We're supposed to be getting new carpet. I don't know when, but we are. Today we're supposed to be getting a new carpet pad in the living room, but that's all that's scheduled. I wonder if they can just come and put the carpet in the bedroom while they're at it. We need it with our average 41 degree basement apartment with no heat. I'm probably breathing asbestos from the crumbing linoleum in there and my future children will have severe birth defects because of it. Maybe I can sue the owner for it and get tons of money and never have to work another day in my life. Just kidding. That would be lazy.
It's just super annoying because I can't put anything away right now. It'll all just have to get moved again. So I don't know where anything is right now because our bicycles are in the kitchen, the TV is on the recliner, all our blankets and sheets are crowding me here on the couch, and things are back in boxes and stacked where ever there is space. My house is a total mess, and I can't un-messify it yet. Gah!!
At least I have fuzzy slippers that Bob got me for Christmas.
I just finished budgeting what's left of our money. I can't believe how hard it can be to keep up with finances while on vacation. Suprisingly, we're doing okay. That's a relief.
Jennie Ray is coming to stay with us for a while on January 12th. She's needed to get out of Clarksville for a while now, and she finally is. I didn't want a lack of a place to live to keep her from leaving that town. She wanted to move out here anyway, and I would have loved to sell her my place at the pink house after I got married, but I didn't know she was looking at that time. Maybe in the summer and fall next year she can rent it out. It is a wicked-good deal. She deserves it.
And next semester starts a week from today. Ridiculous. How am I supposed to focus and do well in school when I don't have space to do homework at home because I'm waiting on carpet and never had time to get my home in order? At least I don't have any Friday classes scheduled. I just wish I could have bought a midweek pass to Sundance back in October. I wish i could have been able to afford to buy one, anyway. I'll just start saving now for next year.
I think I'll take a nap now. I should go grocery shopping or clean out the fridge (because I didn't do that before vacation and now the food in there is really old) or fix my hair and do something productive with myself, but I'm tired. I don't have work or school. And just being able to sleep right now and not have any time-pressing matter due today is a little advantage I just need to take right now. It really is such a tender mercy for me at the moment, pathetic as it might sound.
Sweet dreams to me.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Changes and Floods
So it's been months since I've blogged. Here's an update:
I started my major and love it (industrial design).
I was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder.
I got married.
I'm going to Singapore for three weeks as a study abroad student in May.
Our apartment flooded and we're getting new carpet.
There you go.
Just kidding. Really, all of that has happened, but I bet you want details. So here they are.
I love my industrial design classes! For the first time since second grade, I look forward to going to school. It's awesome. No textbooks or studying or boring, lengthy lectures. Instead we have short interactive lectures, we create and build 2-D and 3-D models, we sketch, we build prototypes of products we design, and we discuss and critique one another's work in class. It's great!!
In planning for my wedding, I think I started going a little crazy. Maybe I was just stressed out. Yeah, I think I was overly stressed out and that made me start losing my mind. School, work, and planning a wedding while trying to have a social life with my roommates and go on dates with Bob plus keep up with going to the temple and doing my calling and attend all the church meetings (Sunday meetings, Institute, FHE, etc.) I was supposed to... It all just started getting to me. I also had some past issues continually arising and I'd digress back to some pretty miserable emotional states more frequently than is normal. Bob would frequently suggest and encourage me to go see a therapist. I always thought it was a load of bologna and that therapists were just for people who needed an excuse to get out of things when life got hard. Then I realized that I was mentally and emotionally struggling with myself personally and just keeping myself together in public. So I decided it couldn't hurt and if I thought it was a waste of time I could just not go back after the first time... So I went to the counseling center on campus, scheduled an appointment, and went to that first meeting with my psychologist.
I told her that I just wanted to give it a shot, my then fiance encouraged me to see her, told her some of my background and history, and answered her questions. Then she discussed an analyzed much of which I told her, especially about my past. She told me I have post-traumatic stress disorder. I didn't like being diagnosed with some mental and emotional problem... although the more I thought about it, the more I realized she's right. Everything I struggle with--the way I think, my fears and concerns, the times I freeze up or freak out in certain situations (it's mostly internal--I usually hide things from everyone, yet another symptom), intruding thoughts and memories that I block out of my memory that resurface from time to time, my occasional uncontrollable crying--it all points to that. What a weird realization that I have a real problem, and that even has a name. She later gave me a chart with the cycle of the disorder, and she showed me where I'm stuck at and we're making goals on how I can progress.
Weird. I never thought I'd actually believe all that rubbish, but I'm really starting to think it's true.
Bob and I are even going to a couple's support group now. He even liked the idea and was kind of excited about it. And it's been good for me. It's been really hard too. I've been so used to blocking things out, pushing them from my mind, ignoring them, making myself go numb so I wouldn't feel anything emotionally, and then breaking down at some point but never taking care of the real problem. I'd usually just sleep it off until I could block it all out again. I think that actually getting down to the real problem and fixing it is harder.
Way harder. Now when I cry I'm supposed to try and let it out, not close up, and embrace the fact that it hurts. I'm not sure how to do that, to be honest. I grew up thinking that crying is always bad, that I should never do it, because it just meant that I wanted unnecessary attention or that I was spoiled. So I tried for most of my life not to cry. Obviously I have cried sometimes--lots of times--but I always felt guilty for crying and I'd even get punished sometimes for crying--sent to my room, grounded, put in timeout, etc. I never understood why my parents didn't want me to cry--I just thought I was never supposed to. EVER. So I'd make myself emotionally numb when I would want to cry so that I wouldn't. It became a habit and a part of me. And it's not healthy.
So now I'm trying to let myself cry. I still feel guilty and I still feel like I should make myself stop as soon as it starts. As soon as I can get it into my head that crying is not bad, that it's natural and okay to do, I can begin to move on and overcome this disorder that I apparently have. First I have to accept the fact that everything that has happened to me has really happened, yes it sucks, but it's in the past and I can't do anything about it. And then, I can have all this crying and mourning out of my system and I can move on. It just really hurts to finally let myself feel everything I have been suppressing and numbing, and that's the hard part. I should have taken care of all of this a long time ago, but it was a secret I was terrified to admit. And none of it is my own fault, which is also hard to admit.
And I also feel like I need to have this under control and have myself more put together before I can have kids. My children deserve a strong, healthy mother and a loving home. And I worry that I won't be able to provide that until I get this all taken care of. And now that I'm married, I can't procrastinate this any longer.
Which brings me to the next bit of news that everyone already knows, but for my blog's sake I'll
announce it. I'm married!! November 21st, 2009, my own family was sealed together for time and all eternity in the San Diego temple. And it was perfect. It wasn't what I had planned exactly, it wasn't what I had dreamed or hoped for necessarily, especially the hour or two before we made it to the temple, but it was perfect. I couldn't have asked for nicer weather, a more beautiful sunset, or better company, especially my new husband.
We've been married for three weeks now, and it has been so much fun! Seriously, marrying my best friend might have been one of my top five best decisions of my life. I guess I was expecting something to change once we got married, an the only thing that has changed is the amount of physical intimacy we can have. We still have the same amazing hugs, he still makes me laugh every day, we still wrestle on the living room floor occasionally, we still watch movies, we still eat breakfast together each morning, we still tell lame jokes together, we still hold hands whenever we can, we still get butterflies from occasional really good kisses... But now, I get to wake up and fall asleep next to him each morning and night, we get to get ready for church together on Sundays, we can fall asleep on the couch watching movies late at night and not feel guilty about it, we don't have to be careful about kissing too much or too passionately, he doesn't have to walk me home each night (or if he does he can just come on in when he does because he lives there too), and we get to share all of our stuff, especially our kitchen things. Life is great, and it's just going to keep getting better, even if it gets difficult sometimes.
Then, last Friday, I had an interview for a study abroad I applied for. Originally, I had just heard about it and invited Bob to come along to a seminar about it. I just like to find out things about my major and what people are doing in it so I can explain what industrial designers do better. I never actually thought I would really do anything huge; I sometimes just like to know about things like that.
So after the seminar ended, I asked Bob, "So what do you think about that?"
Without missing a beat he said, "I think you should do it!!"
"Really?"
"Yeah!" he responded, and then proceeded to encourage me strongly to apply, and go, and that he'd do whatever he needed to to fund for it. I was surprised. Usually he analyzes everything for a long time before making any decision. I guess that's mostly when he makes a choice for himself. I think he just saw that gleam in my eye about how much I love to travel and how i wish I could take opportunities like that while I can. Needless to say, I got online and applied right after we left the seminar that evening.
So back to Friday. I go in for an interview. After asking me about my background, the professor interviewing me asked, "So why do you want to go to Singapore?" I thought for a moment, then responded about how I love to learn about these opportunities but never take them, and this time my husband really wanted me to go, so I finally applied. Plus it sounds like such a fun and once in a lifetime experience, I'd hate to pass it up and always wish I'd gone. He went on to explain a little more about the course and the country.
At the closing of the interview he said, "Okay, well, we'll be happy to have you come along with us!"
I was like, "So I'm accepted already?"
And I am. So.... Singapore it is! I'll be there for three weeks, from mid-May until the beginning of June. I need a passport, I need to save up a bunch of money, I need to get my GPA up... I have tons to do now!! But I'm so excited about it! I will be taking lots of pictures while I'm there, and it's going to be awesome.
Then there's today. I woke up this morning, and Bob and I laid in bed for a while just talking. I could hear some water trickling outside somewhere. I guessed the temperature had warmed up enough to start melting the snow or maybe it was just raining because it was barely above freezing or something. I got up and went to the bathroom at one point, then crawled back into bed under the warm covers. A few minutes later Bob got up to go to the bathroom. His feet hit the carpet and he said, "Ah! ...ohhh-mygosh."
I leaned over to look at the part of the floor he was staring at. "What?" I asked confusedly. He lifted his foot up and I could see his foot print in the carpet, dark and wet.
"You know that water you were hearing earlier," he said, "well, I think it's inside."
We put on our shoes and started moving things around. We found the source of the water pretty quickly. There's a pipe end in the wall a few feet from our bed, and water was just streaming out of it, inside and out of the wall. It wasn't spewing, but it was like some one had turned on a water faucet at a nice flow. The carpet in over half the room was soaked, with at least an inch of water under the carpet. The carpet in the bicycle closet was soaked as well, as well as part of the living room all the way to the front door. Thank goodness somebody gave us a bucket full of goodies for our wedding, because it came in handy for catching the water. We had to change the bucket every five or six minutes though, because the water was coming in so quickly it filled it up that fast. It was ridiculous. We made it to church after a plumber had come and stopped the water. Bob and I got callings--we're now ward missionaries (Hooray!). Then, just after the sacrament Bob got a phone call from the carpet cleaners, so he took off to go let them in the house.
When I got home from church, I got to see the damage. The wall has some nice water damage. The carpet in the bedroom is gone, with some old and crumbly linoleum left over that was underneath it. The carpet pad from half the living room is gone, although the carpet is still there and drying from being shampooed. all of our furniture that we had just gotten settled into place is now moved temporarily. And some of our things got a little wet, although I don't think any real damage was done.
Wow. Married a month and our first minor-catastrophe has already occurred. Life sure is going to be full of surprises with Bob.
At least we're getting new carpet out of it.
I started my major and love it (industrial design).
I was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder.
I got married.
I'm going to Singapore for three weeks as a study abroad student in May.
Our apartment flooded and we're getting new carpet.
There you go.
Just kidding. Really, all of that has happened, but I bet you want details. So here they are.
I love my industrial design classes! For the first time since second grade, I look forward to going to school. It's awesome. No textbooks or studying or boring, lengthy lectures. Instead we have short interactive lectures, we create and build 2-D and 3-D models, we sketch, we build prototypes of products we design, and we discuss and critique one another's work in class. It's great!!
In planning for my wedding, I think I started going a little crazy. Maybe I was just stressed out. Yeah, I think I was overly stressed out and that made me start losing my mind. School, work, and planning a wedding while trying to have a social life with my roommates and go on dates with Bob plus keep up with going to the temple and doing my calling and attend all the church meetings (Sunday meetings, Institute, FHE, etc.) I was supposed to... It all just started getting to me. I also had some past issues continually arising and I'd digress back to some pretty miserable emotional states more frequently than is normal. Bob would frequently suggest and encourage me to go see a therapist. I always thought it was a load of bologna and that therapists were just for people who needed an excuse to get out of things when life got hard. Then I realized that I was mentally and emotionally struggling with myself personally and just keeping myself together in public. So I decided it couldn't hurt and if I thought it was a waste of time I could just not go back after the first time... So I went to the counseling center on campus, scheduled an appointment, and went to that first meeting with my psychologist.
I told her that I just wanted to give it a shot, my then fiance encouraged me to see her, told her some of my background and history, and answered her questions. Then she discussed an analyzed much of which I told her, especially about my past. She told me I have post-traumatic stress disorder. I didn't like being diagnosed with some mental and emotional problem... although the more I thought about it, the more I realized she's right. Everything I struggle with--the way I think, my fears and concerns, the times I freeze up or freak out in certain situations (it's mostly internal--I usually hide things from everyone, yet another symptom), intruding thoughts and memories that I block out of my memory that resurface from time to time, my occasional uncontrollable crying--it all points to that. What a weird realization that I have a real problem, and that even has a name. She later gave me a chart with the cycle of the disorder, and she showed me where I'm stuck at and we're making goals on how I can progress.
Weird. I never thought I'd actually believe all that rubbish, but I'm really starting to think it's true.
Bob and I are even going to a couple's support group now. He even liked the idea and was kind of excited about it. And it's been good for me. It's been really hard too. I've been so used to blocking things out, pushing them from my mind, ignoring them, making myself go numb so I wouldn't feel anything emotionally, and then breaking down at some point but never taking care of the real problem. I'd usually just sleep it off until I could block it all out again. I think that actually getting down to the real problem and fixing it is harder.
Way harder. Now when I cry I'm supposed to try and let it out, not close up, and embrace the fact that it hurts. I'm not sure how to do that, to be honest. I grew up thinking that crying is always bad, that I should never do it, because it just meant that I wanted unnecessary attention or that I was spoiled. So I tried for most of my life not to cry. Obviously I have cried sometimes--lots of times--but I always felt guilty for crying and I'd even get punished sometimes for crying--sent to my room, grounded, put in timeout, etc. I never understood why my parents didn't want me to cry--I just thought I was never supposed to. EVER. So I'd make myself emotionally numb when I would want to cry so that I wouldn't. It became a habit and a part of me. And it's not healthy.
So now I'm trying to let myself cry. I still feel guilty and I still feel like I should make myself stop as soon as it starts. As soon as I can get it into my head that crying is not bad, that it's natural and okay to do, I can begin to move on and overcome this disorder that I apparently have. First I have to accept the fact that everything that has happened to me has really happened, yes it sucks, but it's in the past and I can't do anything about it. And then, I can have all this crying and mourning out of my system and I can move on. It just really hurts to finally let myself feel everything I have been suppressing and numbing, and that's the hard part. I should have taken care of all of this a long time ago, but it was a secret I was terrified to admit. And none of it is my own fault, which is also hard to admit.
And I also feel like I need to have this under control and have myself more put together before I can have kids. My children deserve a strong, healthy mother and a loving home. And I worry that I won't be able to provide that until I get this all taken care of. And now that I'm married, I can't procrastinate this any longer.
Which brings me to the next bit of news that everyone already knows, but for my blog's sake I'll
announce it. I'm married!! November 21st, 2009, my own family was sealed together for time and all eternity in the San Diego temple. And it was perfect. It wasn't what I had planned exactly, it wasn't what I had dreamed or hoped for necessarily, especially the hour or two before we made it to the temple, but it was perfect. I couldn't have asked for nicer weather, a more beautiful sunset, or better company, especially my new husband.We've been married for three weeks now, and it has been so much fun! Seriously, marrying my best friend might have been one of my top five best decisions of my life. I guess I was expecting something to change once we got married, an the only thing that has changed is the amount of physical intimacy we can have. We still have the same amazing hugs, he still makes me laugh every day, we still wrestle on the living room floor occasionally, we still watch movies, we still eat breakfast together each morning, we still tell lame jokes together, we still hold hands whenever we can, we still get butterflies from occasional really good kisses... But now, I get to wake up and fall asleep next to him each morning and night, we get to get ready for church together on Sundays, we can fall asleep on the couch watching movies late at night and not feel guilty about it, we don't have to be careful about kissing too much or too passionately, he doesn't have to walk me home each night (or if he does he can just come on in when he does because he lives there too), and we get to share all of our stuff, especially our kitchen things. Life is great, and it's just going to keep getting better, even if it gets difficult sometimes.
Then, last Friday, I had an interview for a study abroad I applied for. Originally, I had just heard about it and invited Bob to come along to a seminar about it. I just like to find out things about my major and what people are doing in it so I can explain what industrial designers do better. I never actually thought I would really do anything huge; I sometimes just like to know about things like that.
So after the seminar ended, I asked Bob, "So what do you think about that?"
Without missing a beat he said, "I think you should do it!!"
"Really?"
"Yeah!" he responded, and then proceeded to encourage me strongly to apply, and go, and that he'd do whatever he needed to to fund for it. I was surprised. Usually he analyzes everything for a long time before making any decision. I guess that's mostly when he makes a choice for himself. I think he just saw that gleam in my eye about how much I love to travel and how i wish I could take opportunities like that while I can. Needless to say, I got online and applied right after we left the seminar that evening.
So back to Friday. I go in for an interview. After asking me about my background, the professor interviewing me asked, "So why do you want to go to Singapore?" I thought for a moment, then responded about how I love to learn about these opportunities but never take them, and this time my husband really wanted me to go, so I finally applied. Plus it sounds like such a fun and once in a lifetime experience, I'd hate to pass it up and always wish I'd gone. He went on to explain a little more about the course and the country.
At the closing of the interview he said, "Okay, well, we'll be happy to have you come along with us!"
I was like, "So I'm accepted already?"
And I am. So.... Singapore it is! I'll be there for three weeks, from mid-May until the beginning of June. I need a passport, I need to save up a bunch of money, I need to get my GPA up... I have tons to do now!! But I'm so excited about it! I will be taking lots of pictures while I'm there, and it's going to be awesome.
Then there's today. I woke up this morning, and Bob and I laid in bed for a while just talking. I could hear some water trickling outside somewhere. I guessed the temperature had warmed up enough to start melting the snow or maybe it was just raining because it was barely above freezing or something. I got up and went to the bathroom at one point, then crawled back into bed under the warm covers. A few minutes later Bob got up to go to the bathroom. His feet hit the carpet and he said, "Ah! ...ohhh-mygosh."
I leaned over to look at the part of the floor he was staring at. "What?" I asked confusedly. He lifted his foot up and I could see his foot print in the carpet, dark and wet.
"You know that water you were hearing earlier," he said, "well, I think it's inside."
We put on our shoes and started moving things around. We found the source of the water pretty quickly. There's a pipe end in the wall a few feet from our bed, and water was just streaming out of it, inside and out of the wall. It wasn't spewing, but it was like some one had turned on a water faucet at a nice flow. The carpet in over half the room was soaked, with at least an inch of water under the carpet. The carpet in the bicycle closet was soaked as well, as well as part of the living room all the way to the front door. Thank goodness somebody gave us a bucket full of goodies for our wedding, because it came in handy for catching the water. We had to change the bucket every five or six minutes though, because the water was coming in so quickly it filled it up that fast. It was ridiculous. We made it to church after a plumber had come and stopped the water. Bob and I got callings--we're now ward missionaries (Hooray!). Then, just after the sacrament Bob got a phone call from the carpet cleaners, so he took off to go let them in the house.
When I got home from church, I got to see the damage. The wall has some nice water damage. The carpet in the bedroom is gone, with some old and crumbly linoleum left over that was underneath it. The carpet pad from half the living room is gone, although the carpet is still there and drying from being shampooed. all of our furniture that we had just gotten settled into place is now moved temporarily. And some of our things got a little wet, although I don't think any real damage was done.
Wow. Married a month and our first minor-catastrophe has already occurred. Life sure is going to be full of surprises with Bob.
At least we're getting new carpet out of it.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
distractions
It's SO easy for me to get distracted while doing my homework assignments. Like right now, for example. I'm sitting in the computer lab at school working on a project that's due tomorrow. The only problem is that I have to search for images online that I like and then work on them in Adobe Illustrator and Photoshop. In my searching, of course I find cool pictures that I like. I also find things that just interest me but have no relevance to my project.
But I just had to take a minute and share this one:
But I just had to take a minute and share this one:
A baby hippopotamus that survived the tsunami waves on the Kenyan coast has formed a strong bond with a giant male century-old tortoise, in an animal facility in the port city of Mombassa, officials said.
The hippopotamus, nicknamed Owen and weighing about 300 kilograms (650 pounds), was swept down Sabaki River into the Indian Ocean, then forced back to shore when tsunami waves struck the Kenyan coast on December 26, 2004 before wildlife rangers rescued him.
"It is incredible. A-less-than-a-year-old hippo has adopted a male tortoise, about a century old, and the tortoise seems to be very happy with being a 'mother'," ecologist Paula Kahumbu, who is in charge of Lafarge Park, told AFP.
"After it was swept and lost its mother, the hippo was traumatized. It had to look for something to be a surrogate mother. Fortunately, it landed on the tortoise and established a strong bond. They swim, eat and sleep together," the ecologist added. "The hippo follows the tortoise exactly the way it follows its mother. If somebody approaches the tortoise, the hippo becomes aggressive, as if protecting its biological mother," Kahumbu added.
"The hippo is a young baby, he was left at a very tender age and by nature, hippos are social animals that like to stay with their mothers for four years," he explained.
This is a real story t hat shows that our differences don't matter much when we need the comfort of another. We could all learn a lesson from these two creatures of God. Look beyond the differences and find a way to walk the path together.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/92011777@N00/228573089/
The hippopotamus, nicknamed Owen and weighing about 300 kilograms (650 pounds), was swept down Sabaki River into the Indian Ocean, then forced back to shore when tsunami waves struck the Kenyan coast on December 26, 2004 before wildlife rangers rescued him.
"It is incredible. A-less-than-a-year-old hippo has adopted a male tortoise, about a century old, and the tortoise seems to be very happy with being a 'mother'," ecologist Paula Kahumbu, who is in charge of Lafarge Park, told AFP.
"After it was swept and lost its mother, the hippo was traumatized. It had to look for something to be a surrogate mother. Fortunately, it landed on the tortoise and established a strong bond. They swim, eat and sleep together," the ecologist added. "The hippo follows the tortoise exactly the way it follows its mother. If somebody approaches the tortoise, the hippo becomes aggressive, as if protecting its biological mother," Kahumbu added.
"The hippo is a young baby, he was left at a very tender age and by nature, hippos are social animals that like to stay with their mothers for four years," he explained.
This is a real story t hat shows that our differences don't matter much when we need the comfort of another. We could all learn a lesson from these two creatures of God. Look beyond the differences and find a way to walk the path together.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/92011777@N00/228573089/
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
living and life
I finally moved into the house I'll be in for the next three months. There's two separate addresses, one for the upstairs and one for the downstairs. I live at the downstairs address, even though the mail all comes to the same box. I like it. My room is painted bright turquoise. The bathroom is hardly bigger than one you'd find on an airplane, complete with separate faucets on the sink for hot and cold water, making washing my face at night a challenge (I either get boiling hot water or ice cold water, and it's hard the mix the two). The kitchen is already pretty stocked with dishes the previous renters, which means I'm not unpacking my kitchen stuff until Bob moves into our future apartment and I can just set it all up there.
And I LOVE having a nice old couple as landlords! They're so nice. They let me make up my own contract for living there basically. Since I'm getting married in November, they said, "Well, why don't you just make your contract from Now until then?" I'm so used to companies and set contracts with apartments that I hadn't even thought of that. So now I don't have to stress about the possibility of not selling a contract that I'm stuck in until May or longer. Such a relief, since money will be tight with Bob and me for a while already.
And speaking of money, I started working again! It'll be nice to have a paycheck every other week, even if it's only for $600 or less each month. I can still make it work. I discovered that I really like having a budget. It's nice to see where my money goes. I also really enjoy seeing my savings account building, and seeing money going toward a vacation fund and a snowboarding fund for me to use later. It's a whole lot less stressful than what I used to do (guess at what's left in my account when I want stuff and just hope I have enough money).
School starts on Monday. I'm excited and nervous. I'm taking the freshman courses in my major. Those should be fun. I'm also retaking some classes to try and get my GPA up in case I ever need to transfer schools for any reason (such as not getting accepted into the major again when I have to apply again next august). Communications 101 and College Algebra are the ones I'm most worried about. Beginning Piano should be good, and of course the Creativity classes for Industrial Design should be fun too. 14 credits is about all I can usually handle, so that's all I'm doing. I'm just not good at school, especially when classes I abhor are involved.
Lastly, I got this nasty cold last week. Bob caught it too (and I'm 99% sure he got it from me... go figure...) I didn't have work today, thank goodness. Bob called in sick today. So we've done nothing and it's been so nice. I was a little bummed that I missed out on rock climbing this morning, but there was no way I was going out into the chilly morning to exert energy that I already didn't have. There will likely be other opportunities anyway. So today Bob came over early this morning (as usual) and we ate breakfast. We went back to his house and I ended up falling asleep on his couch and he went in his room and went back to bed. Since then we've just sat around haven't done much.
It's honestly been nice to do nothing since I haven't done that in quite a while. Plus, my body needs the rest. But really, I just hate being sick.
And I LOVE having a nice old couple as landlords! They're so nice. They let me make up my own contract for living there basically. Since I'm getting married in November, they said, "Well, why don't you just make your contract from Now until then?" I'm so used to companies and set contracts with apartments that I hadn't even thought of that. So now I don't have to stress about the possibility of not selling a contract that I'm stuck in until May or longer. Such a relief, since money will be tight with Bob and me for a while already.
And speaking of money, I started working again! It'll be nice to have a paycheck every other week, even if it's only for $600 or less each month. I can still make it work. I discovered that I really like having a budget. It's nice to see where my money goes. I also really enjoy seeing my savings account building, and seeing money going toward a vacation fund and a snowboarding fund for me to use later. It's a whole lot less stressful than what I used to do (guess at what's left in my account when I want stuff and just hope I have enough money).
School starts on Monday. I'm excited and nervous. I'm taking the freshman courses in my major. Those should be fun. I'm also retaking some classes to try and get my GPA up in case I ever need to transfer schools for any reason (such as not getting accepted into the major again when I have to apply again next august). Communications 101 and College Algebra are the ones I'm most worried about. Beginning Piano should be good, and of course the Creativity classes for Industrial Design should be fun too. 14 credits is about all I can usually handle, so that's all I'm doing. I'm just not good at school, especially when classes I abhor are involved.
Lastly, I got this nasty cold last week. Bob caught it too (and I'm 99% sure he got it from me... go figure...) I didn't have work today, thank goodness. Bob called in sick today. So we've done nothing and it's been so nice. I was a little bummed that I missed out on rock climbing this morning, but there was no way I was going out into the chilly morning to exert energy that I already didn't have. There will likely be other opportunities anyway. So today Bob came over early this morning (as usual) and we ate breakfast. We went back to his house and I ended up falling asleep on his couch and he went in his room and went back to bed. Since then we've just sat around haven't done much.
It's honestly been nice to do nothing since I haven't done that in quite a while. Plus, my body needs the rest. But really, I just hate being sick.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Blog Overdue!
Wow. I need to have written over twenty blogs on all the happenings in my life this summer. And now summer is drawing to a close, and I haven't written a single one since... June? I'd apologize for being a slacker, but that's the reason I haven't written any--because I've been extremely busy. So this will be an extremely LONG blog. Be prepared to come back and read more later if you just can't make it through it all in one sitting. And if you just don't feel like reading it all, I'm not offended.
Girls Camp back in June was a blast. I love those first year girls and the Youth Leaders so much! I wish the Young Women understood just how amazing they are and just how much they are worth. That's my last year going to YW Camp in TN. :( I'm sad, but my life has to move on forward.
Then EFY happened all summer.
I drove through Arkansas to visit Katie and see her newborn (who probably isn't so newborn any more!) . That was so much fun! I loved catching up with her and just getting to pick up on our friendship where we left off ten years ago.
I made my way to Louisiana (and just for the record, there is no Interstate or highway with a speed limit more than 50 miles an hour from Little Rock to Baton Rouge; it was a LONG drive). I played with my niece and nephew, ate crawfish with Cam, and enjoyed that heavy Louisiana humidity that I haven't missed all these years.
Then I woke up early and drove eight hours to San Antonio, my favorite part of Texas. It was a fun drive, partially because I couldn't wait to visit people and also because I was excited to work at EFY. I arrived and had the new counselor orientation, ate food, met people, and then went and stayed with the Marshes that night. I went to church at the Parkwood ward the next morning, and it was so fun to see so many people I'd missed for eight months. I stuck around for one of the singles wards as well. It was fun to see people recognize me but not know how they knew me. Lots of people would say, "Hi, how are you..?" trying to figure it out. Sometimes I'd be nice and tell them right away, but then again, it was really fun to just go along and see if they could figure it out themselves. But there were several people who remembered me right off. I was surprised to see so many people who came right up to me and said, "Sister Wheeler!! What are you doing here?!" And what was an even sweeter experience was to have a couple of investigators I'd taught approach me and tell me all about their baptisms.
The following wee was EFY, and it was a blast. Those kids are SO much fun, and I loved to be able to see the spiritual growth in each of them during the week. At the beginning of the week, they hardly knew each other, and by the end they were best friends. And what was even better, they all wanted to share the gospel with their friends! One of my girls had been stuck between our church and the catholic church, and by Thursday she'd already been making plans to get baptized as a member of our church by the end of the summer. I loved seeing the Spirit touch these kids in such a way that they knew the principles and doctrines we taught are right and true.
The following week I visited my mission. I'd spent the 4th of July at the Marshes again (and if Sister Marsh had it her way,I'd just move into their house there and live with them for my entire life). The Sunday after I went to New Braunfels Ward and Memorial Ward. It was so fun to see so many people that I love there! I couldn't believe how many remembered me after a year and a half of me not being there. I was especially flattered when the bishops recognized me and wanted to catch up on everything. It feels good to know I made some kind of impact. I stayed with the Petersons some during that week. I went up to Austin and surprised Sister Denison, my one and only trainee of the mission, with breakfast one morning. That was hilarious. She didn't know how to react. "What are you doing here?!" was what I was greeted with. We caught up for a few short minutes, then I let her get back to studying. I picked Bob up from the airport and we visited several other people, especially one of my favorite (I know I shouldn't choose favorites) converts, Nathan. I'm so proud of that kid and I love him to death. We went to the Shoal Creek Ward the following Sunday, where Bishop Taylor asked me to be a speaker in Sacrament Meeting that day. Some things never change.
Unfortunately, I never got to attend the Brushy Creek Ward while I was down there. It's hard when I'm strapped for time and there's only so many Sundays during vacation there.
Next week Bob and I both worked EFY, where we had some wonderful experiences again. Bob's boys would yell fun things to me across campus when they saw me with my girls, so I had my girls do the same for Bob. I think a few of Bob's boys even developed crushes on me. My girls were so good and we all became such good friends, especially since we had such testimony building and spiritually enlightening moments together.
At the end of the week, on Saturday morning, Bob and I drove to Baton Rouge, where I introduced him to the absolutely delectable and delicious food of crawfish. It was so good, and I think now Bob can understand how I feel when I talk about it.
Sunday we drove and drove, out of Louisiana, into Mississippi, and as we got into Tennessee we stopped in Memphis to attend church and take the Sacrament. The only Sacrament Meeting that was going on at the time we were there happened to be the Spanish Branch. That was great. (And P. S., the Sacrament bread Hispanics and Latinos use is often home made, and absolute heaven to put in your mouth.) I had fun translating for Bob.
We made it all the way to my parents house, had dinner, unloaded some of our stuff, and drove on to Bowling Green, Kentucky for yet another session of EFY. This session was by far the best of the three I did. Well, I love each session for different reasons. This one was a little closer to my heart because of a wonderful opportunity I had, which I didn't recognize at first.
Bob and I had wanted to be co-counselors, but it didn't happen. I was pretty bummed about it, and he was too. At check-in on Monday morning, and I overheard some counselors talking about a girl who was attending that didn't speak English. I asked about it and they said they were trying to find a group for this girl from Costa Rica in the hopes that at least the male counselor could speak Spanish. I grinned and said, "I speak Spanish fluently."
As it turns out, I was the only female counselor who spoke Spanish decently. Some switching went on with the girls in my group, and I ended up only having nine instead of ten girls. I was fine with that. The fewer there are, the more personally I can get to know them. Belany, my little Spanish-speaking princess, didn't have a roommate. I didn't either, so she got to move into my room and be my roommate for the week. I think she needed that too. It was so neat to translate for her when she didn't understand what was going on, and then I could talk to her as we were getting ready for bed at night, and I don't know if she would have been able to get to know anyone quite so well with the language barrier. Seth, my co-counselor spoke Spanish too, so he got to help with that as well.
Now Bob had a similar experience, where he was put in a group with a boy who needed him to be his counselor. This kid was introverted and unhappy to be at EFY. He didn't think he had a testimony of the gospel at all, and was only there because his parents made him go. He hid behind the same purple beanie and black and purple striped hoodie everyday.
At the end of the week, we had a meeting with all the counselors, and one of the male counselors mentioned how he'd seen this kid at previous EFYs, been his counselor, and nothing had helped or changed him in any way previously. This counselor was so excited to see that this boy, by the end of the week, was smiling, had made friends with everyone in his group, and even spoke about serving a mission and teach the gospel to others. And it's true! I saw the change in this kid myself! This kid needed Bob to be his counselor, to offer his listening ear, experiences, and testimony.
Miracles happened all week long there. I could go on and on about the youth in my company: one kid who refused to get out of his chair on Tuesday at the dance to dancing at almost every song on Friday night. Or the boy in my group who developed a desire to finally repent for some things that had been weighing him down for years. Or the girl who thought she had no testimony or desire to be at EFY who, by Thursday, wanted to share it with others and keep it strong in her life. Seriously, one beautiful miracle and change after another happened that week.
And then Saturday morning rolled around and we all had to say our heartfelt goodbyes. Bob and I drove back to my parents house and napped all day.
Sunday I went to church with my parents for the last time as a member of their ward. It's bittersweet to leave so many people I love, knowing that I need to move on. Then Sunday evening the missionaries stopped by. After they left Bob and I went for a walk in the woods.
I didn't really think anything of it because it's so normal for us to do stuff like that. We walked along the path through the trees, stopping to notice the beautiful setting sun as it was shone through the trees. We stopped again at the edge of the bluff above the river and talked for a little while about how we were feeling about our relationship and such. We walked a little further to where the trail used to branch off toward Nin's house, but it's all overgrown since her grandkids have all grownup and there's nobody left to run and play in the woods there. I wanted to find a some place to sit so we could just enjoy the gorgeous evening and talk some more until darkness started to fall. We found a large old stump to sit on, and Bob told me about some answers to prayers he'd recently received concerning us. He talked about some fears and hopes among his feelings for me.
It was all really serious, so then Bob finally said, "You know what I like about our relationship?"
"What?" I asked.
"I like than we can play and be silly sometimes. So right now, since I've been so serious, I can do this," and he pulled out this big box--bigger than something a ring belongs in, like a watch box or something. I didn't know what to expect, especially knowing Bob. He proceeded to open it, and in this really goofy voice says, "Janae, will you marry me?" He opens the box and inside is a bicycle bell. He pulls it out and puts it on my left ring finger as a joke, and rings it.
I thought, 'Haha, Bob. A ring...' I laughed, and then I felt a little let down thinking, 'Dang. That's it?'
He let that sink in for a few seconds. And then I noticed the expression on his face change from that ridiculous grin of his to a very sincere smile.
He looked at me and said, "Seriously."
He pulled out another smaller box from his back pocket. I stopped breathing for a few seconds as I realized what was happening.
He slowly knelt down on his right knee, and as he opened the beautiful dark wooden-finished box, he said, "Will you be my wife for this life and for eternity? Through all the hard times, and beautiful times, and the joyful times?" Tears were welling up in his eyes. He was serious this time. I looked down at the ring. It was beautiful. It was exactly what I hoped for, but it didn't really matter what it looked like at all. I would have loved it no matter what he picked out. I realized I was smiling. Then I started to cry as I picked up the box and ring and looked at it. I couldn't talk for a moment, and then I realized Bob was still there on his knee waiting. I finally found my voice enough to respond, and said, "Yes, I will."
Bob pulled the ring gently out of its place in the box, slid it onto my finger, and one of the best embraces I've ever had followed. As I looked around I noticed all the fireflies in the woods giving us a stunning show of lights, and the sky through the trees was every gorgeous shade of orange.
We walked home, smiling and wiping tears of joy from our eyes and faces. We stopped to watch the sunset for several minutes, debating how to tell my parents that we had just become engaged. we finally walked through the side door and into the kitchen. Dad was on the back deck reading a book and Mom was in the living room watching the Food Network on TV. I noticed that she'd made apple donuts, so I asked from the kitchen if they were for us. My mom said yes, so I strategically picked one up with my left hand and as I walked into the living room I took a bite, making my left ring finger very apparent. Mom immediately saw it and said, "Oh, what's that?" in a nonchalantly sarcastic way. I laughed. Bob followed me out there and we rehearsed the whole thing to my mother, after which, she went and had my dad come inside and we told the story one more time. I called each of my brothers (by the way, Bob got permission from all three of my brothers and then my parents to marry me) to tell them the news as well.
The longest drive ever from Tennessee to Utah followed a few days later. Dad and Bob put a trailer hitch on the Camry (Yeah, did you know that was possible?) and there we were: four adults packed inside the Camry, with a cooler in the backseat, the trunk loaded with luggage, and towing a trailer full of my things.
We noticed the engine running hotter than normal, and in the middle of Missouri needle on the gauge shot up all the way into the hot side. We pulled off the interstate and let it cool for a while. Dad fiddled around under the hood, and as soon as the needle was in a better place on the gauge we took off as quickly and carefully as we could for the next exit off the interstate. And then luck hit. We pulled into a gas station, the right behind it there happened to be an auto repair shop. As we waited for our new water pump to be put in, we went to a diner attached to the gas station to escape the heat. We walked in and a waitress asked us if we wanted a booth or a table. We all looked at each other for a moment, and finally just explained that our car had just broken down and we all just really wanted some water. Then my dad had the brilliant idea getting some hot cobbler with ice cream. We all decided to get some after that. It was a nice little place with a good atmosphere, and the four of us wound up laughing and smiling instead of feeling upset and irritated.
In an hour the car was fixed and ready to go. We made it into Nebraska in the wee hours of the morning and stopped at a hotel. Everything was full, except for one particular room at a more pricey hotel. Dad, Mom, and me slept on the king sized be and Bob slept on the floor. We woke up and left by mid-morning the next day. I drove out of Nebraska, and Bob drove us through an absolutely ridiculous hail storm in the middle of Wyoming. but we finally made it to Provo.
I applied and got accepted into my major the following week.
Dad bought me a car one morning and we got it registered and licensed that afternoon, and then I got it insured over the phone (Thank you, Gieco!) and then they emailed me all the information, I printed it out, and was driving it that evening.
Bob and I found a nice place to live in November, and he's moving in there in September.
I found the wedding dress I want.
Bob and I scheduled the sealing room in the San Diego Temple without a problem.
I got my job back from before my mission (my first day back was today!).
Aside from Bob getting his laptop stolen right out of his house night before last, things are really working out so far. I'm excited for school to start. I'm even more excited to get married in November.
Really, life is SO good.
____________________________________
Girls Camp back in June was a blast. I love those first year girls and the Youth Leaders so much! I wish the Young Women understood just how amazing they are and just how much they are worth. That's my last year going to YW Camp in TN. :( I'm sad, but my life has to move on forward.
Then EFY happened all summer.
I drove through Arkansas to visit Katie and see her newborn (who probably isn't so newborn any more!) . That was so much fun! I loved catching up with her and just getting to pick up on our friendship where we left off ten years ago.
I made my way to Louisiana (and just for the record, there is no Interstate or highway with a speed limit more than 50 miles an hour from Little Rock to Baton Rouge; it was a LONG drive). I played with my niece and nephew, ate crawfish with Cam, and enjoyed that heavy Louisiana humidity that I haven't missed all these years.
Then I woke up early and drove eight hours to San Antonio, my favorite part of Texas. It was a fun drive, partially because I couldn't wait to visit people and also because I was excited to work at EFY. I arrived and had the new counselor orientation, ate food, met people, and then went and stayed with the Marshes that night. I went to church at the Parkwood ward the next morning, and it was so fun to see so many people I'd missed for eight months. I stuck around for one of the singles wards as well. It was fun to see people recognize me but not know how they knew me. Lots of people would say, "Hi, how are you..?" trying to figure it out. Sometimes I'd be nice and tell them right away, but then again, it was really fun to just go along and see if they could figure it out themselves. But there were several people who remembered me right off. I was surprised to see so many people who came right up to me and said, "Sister Wheeler!! What are you doing here?!" And what was an even sweeter experience was to have a couple of investigators I'd taught approach me and tell me all about their baptisms.
The following wee was EFY, and it was a blast. Those kids are SO much fun, and I loved to be able to see the spiritual growth in each of them during the week. At the beginning of the week, they hardly knew each other, and by the end they were best friends. And what was even better, they all wanted to share the gospel with their friends! One of my girls had been stuck between our church and the catholic church, and by Thursday she'd already been making plans to get baptized as a member of our church by the end of the summer. I loved seeing the Spirit touch these kids in such a way that they knew the principles and doctrines we taught are right and true.
The following week I visited my mission. I'd spent the 4th of July at the Marshes again (and if Sister Marsh had it her way,I'd just move into their house there and live with them for my entire life). The Sunday after I went to New Braunfels Ward and Memorial Ward. It was so fun to see so many people that I love there! I couldn't believe how many remembered me after a year and a half of me not being there. I was especially flattered when the bishops recognized me and wanted to catch up on everything. It feels good to know I made some kind of impact. I stayed with the Petersons some during that week. I went up to Austin and surprised Sister Denison, my one and only trainee of the mission, with breakfast one morning. That was hilarious. She didn't know how to react. "What are you doing here?!" was what I was greeted with. We caught up for a few short minutes, then I let her get back to studying. I picked Bob up from the airport and we visited several other people, especially one of my favorite (I know I shouldn't choose favorites) converts, Nathan. I'm so proud of that kid and I love him to death. We went to the Shoal Creek Ward the following Sunday, where Bishop Taylor asked me to be a speaker in Sacrament Meeting that day. Some things never change.
Unfortunately, I never got to attend the Brushy Creek Ward while I was down there. It's hard when I'm strapped for time and there's only so many Sundays during vacation there.
Next week Bob and I both worked EFY, where we had some wonderful experiences again. Bob's boys would yell fun things to me across campus when they saw me with my girls, so I had my girls do the same for Bob. I think a few of Bob's boys even developed crushes on me. My girls were so good and we all became such good friends, especially since we had such testimony building and spiritually enlightening moments together.
At the end of the week, on Saturday morning, Bob and I drove to Baton Rouge, where I introduced him to the absolutely delectable and delicious food of crawfish. It was so good, and I think now Bob can understand how I feel when I talk about it.
Sunday we drove and drove, out of Louisiana, into Mississippi, and as we got into Tennessee we stopped in Memphis to attend church and take the Sacrament. The only Sacrament Meeting that was going on at the time we were there happened to be the Spanish Branch. That was great. (And P. S., the Sacrament bread Hispanics and Latinos use is often home made, and absolute heaven to put in your mouth.) I had fun translating for Bob.
We made it all the way to my parents house, had dinner, unloaded some of our stuff, and drove on to Bowling Green, Kentucky for yet another session of EFY. This session was by far the best of the three I did. Well, I love each session for different reasons. This one was a little closer to my heart because of a wonderful opportunity I had, which I didn't recognize at first.
Bob and I had wanted to be co-counselors, but it didn't happen. I was pretty bummed about it, and he was too. At check-in on Monday morning, and I overheard some counselors talking about a girl who was attending that didn't speak English. I asked about it and they said they were trying to find a group for this girl from Costa Rica in the hopes that at least the male counselor could speak Spanish. I grinned and said, "I speak Spanish fluently."
As it turns out, I was the only female counselor who spoke Spanish decently. Some switching went on with the girls in my group, and I ended up only having nine instead of ten girls. I was fine with that. The fewer there are, the more personally I can get to know them. Belany, my little Spanish-speaking princess, didn't have a roommate. I didn't either, so she got to move into my room and be my roommate for the week. I think she needed that too. It was so neat to translate for her when she didn't understand what was going on, and then I could talk to her as we were getting ready for bed at night, and I don't know if she would have been able to get to know anyone quite so well with the language barrier. Seth, my co-counselor spoke Spanish too, so he got to help with that as well.
Now Bob had a similar experience, where he was put in a group with a boy who needed him to be his counselor. This kid was introverted and unhappy to be at EFY. He didn't think he had a testimony of the gospel at all, and was only there because his parents made him go. He hid behind the same purple beanie and black and purple striped hoodie everyday.
At the end of the week, we had a meeting with all the counselors, and one of the male counselors mentioned how he'd seen this kid at previous EFYs, been his counselor, and nothing had helped or changed him in any way previously. This counselor was so excited to see that this boy, by the end of the week, was smiling, had made friends with everyone in his group, and even spoke about serving a mission and teach the gospel to others. And it's true! I saw the change in this kid myself! This kid needed Bob to be his counselor, to offer his listening ear, experiences, and testimony.
Miracles happened all week long there. I could go on and on about the youth in my company: one kid who refused to get out of his chair on Tuesday at the dance to dancing at almost every song on Friday night. Or the boy in my group who developed a desire to finally repent for some things that had been weighing him down for years. Or the girl who thought she had no testimony or desire to be at EFY who, by Thursday, wanted to share it with others and keep it strong in her life. Seriously, one beautiful miracle and change after another happened that week.
And then Saturday morning rolled around and we all had to say our heartfelt goodbyes. Bob and I drove back to my parents house and napped all day.
Sunday I went to church with my parents for the last time as a member of their ward. It's bittersweet to leave so many people I love, knowing that I need to move on. Then Sunday evening the missionaries stopped by. After they left Bob and I went for a walk in the woods.
I didn't really think anything of it because it's so normal for us to do stuff like that. We walked along the path through the trees, stopping to notice the beautiful setting sun as it was shone through the trees. We stopped again at the edge of the bluff above the river and talked for a little while about how we were feeling about our relationship and such. We walked a little further to where the trail used to branch off toward Nin's house, but it's all overgrown since her grandkids have all grownup and there's nobody left to run and play in the woods there. I wanted to find a some place to sit so we could just enjoy the gorgeous evening and talk some more until darkness started to fall. We found a large old stump to sit on, and Bob told me about some answers to prayers he'd recently received concerning us. He talked about some fears and hopes among his feelings for me.
It was all really serious, so then Bob finally said, "You know what I like about our relationship?"
"What?" I asked.
"I like than we can play and be silly sometimes. So right now, since I've been so serious, I can do this," and he pulled out this big box--bigger than something a ring belongs in, like a watch box or something. I didn't know what to expect, especially knowing Bob. He proceeded to open it, and in this really goofy voice says, "Janae, will you marry me?" He opens the box and inside is a bicycle bell. He pulls it out and puts it on my left ring finger as a joke, and rings it.
I thought, 'Haha, Bob. A ring...' I laughed, and then I felt a little let down thinking, 'Dang. That's it?'
He let that sink in for a few seconds. And then I noticed the expression on his face change from that ridiculous grin of his to a very sincere smile.
He looked at me and said, "Seriously."
He pulled out another smaller box from his back pocket. I stopped breathing for a few seconds as I realized what was happening.
He slowly knelt down on his right knee, and as he opened the beautiful dark wooden-finished box, he said, "Will you be my wife for this life and for eternity? Through all the hard times, and beautiful times, and the joyful times?" Tears were welling up in his eyes. He was serious this time. I looked down at the ring. It was beautiful. It was exactly what I hoped for, but it didn't really matter what it looked like at all. I would have loved it no matter what he picked out. I realized I was smiling. Then I started to cry as I picked up the box and ring and looked at it. I couldn't talk for a moment, and then I realized Bob was still there on his knee waiting. I finally found my voice enough to respond, and said, "Yes, I will."
Bob pulled the ring gently out of its place in the box, slid it onto my finger, and one of the best embraces I've ever had followed. As I looked around I noticed all the fireflies in the woods giving us a stunning show of lights, and the sky through the trees was every gorgeous shade of orange.
We walked home, smiling and wiping tears of joy from our eyes and faces. We stopped to watch the sunset for several minutes, debating how to tell my parents that we had just become engaged. we finally walked through the side door and into the kitchen. Dad was on the back deck reading a book and Mom was in the living room watching the Food Network on TV. I noticed that she'd made apple donuts, so I asked from the kitchen if they were for us. My mom said yes, so I strategically picked one up with my left hand and as I walked into the living room I took a bite, making my left ring finger very apparent. Mom immediately saw it and said, "Oh, what's that?" in a nonchalantly sarcastic way. I laughed. Bob followed me out there and we rehearsed the whole thing to my mother, after which, she went and had my dad come inside and we told the story one more time. I called each of my brothers (by the way, Bob got permission from all three of my brothers and then my parents to marry me) to tell them the news as well.
The longest drive ever from Tennessee to Utah followed a few days later. Dad and Bob put a trailer hitch on the Camry (Yeah, did you know that was possible?) and there we were: four adults packed inside the Camry, with a cooler in the backseat, the trunk loaded with luggage, and towing a trailer full of my things.
We noticed the engine running hotter than normal, and in the middle of Missouri needle on the gauge shot up all the way into the hot side. We pulled off the interstate and let it cool for a while. Dad fiddled around under the hood, and as soon as the needle was in a better place on the gauge we took off as quickly and carefully as we could for the next exit off the interstate. And then luck hit. We pulled into a gas station, the right behind it there happened to be an auto repair shop. As we waited for our new water pump to be put in, we went to a diner attached to the gas station to escape the heat. We walked in and a waitress asked us if we wanted a booth or a table. We all looked at each other for a moment, and finally just explained that our car had just broken down and we all just really wanted some water. Then my dad had the brilliant idea getting some hot cobbler with ice cream. We all decided to get some after that. It was a nice little place with a good atmosphere, and the four of us wound up laughing and smiling instead of feeling upset and irritated.
In an hour the car was fixed and ready to go. We made it into Nebraska in the wee hours of the morning and stopped at a hotel. Everything was full, except for one particular room at a more pricey hotel. Dad, Mom, and me slept on the king sized be and Bob slept on the floor. We woke up and left by mid-morning the next day. I drove out of Nebraska, and Bob drove us through an absolutely ridiculous hail storm in the middle of Wyoming. but we finally made it to Provo.
I applied and got accepted into my major the following week.
Dad bought me a car one morning and we got it registered and licensed that afternoon, and then I got it insured over the phone (Thank you, Gieco!) and then they emailed me all the information, I printed it out, and was driving it that evening.
Bob and I found a nice place to live in November, and he's moving in there in September.
I found the wedding dress I want.
Bob and I scheduled the sealing room in the San Diego Temple without a problem.
I got my job back from before my mission (my first day back was today!).
Aside from Bob getting his laptop stolen right out of his house night before last, things are really working out so far. I'm excited for school to start. I'm even more excited to get married in November.
Really, life is SO good.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Another allergy to another delicious food...
I became allergic to bananas when I was 14, and then also to pineapple when I was 20. Both are fruits I really love to eat because they're SO delicious. I'm kind of eating bananas again, though I don't eat large portions of them and it's usually cooked in something like banana bread or banana brownies.
So tonight I ate dinner as usual, nothing to concern me about what food we were eating. I went to take care of some cats for this lady that's out of town for the weekend, and on the way I noticed a bump on my left ring finger that started itching. I thought it was a mosquito bite at first, which wouldn't be any surprise to me. Then I also noticed one on my foot and the back of my neck too.
I make my way home and as I'm going about doing things, I start noticing that I'm just itching all over. I reach over to scratch my shoulder and the skin felt kind of odd underneath my shirt. I went into the bathroom pulled my collar over so I could see my shoulder. Here's what it looked like:
Then I pulled my shirt up in the back to see this:
I've never had hives before, ever in my life, but I knew that's what they were immediately. I ran downstairs and my mom ground up some oatmeal for me and found me some nice itch-relief lotions. I took a 20 minute oatmeal bath and then stood there staring at all the little bumps and welts in the mirror, doing all I could not to scratch them. The back of my neck is just on fire and it feel like it's spreading up to the rest of my scalp. I have a nice welt just under my left eyebrow and several on my hands and feet and legs. The bulk of it is on my chest and back though. It's so irritating!! I just wanna scratch everything!
Luckily, according to the American Medical Book, they should disappear in a few hours. I sure hope they do.
And I've been trying to figure out what caused it:
Not the cats I'm taking care of, I itched before that.
So what else? It must be the food I ate for dinner. But everything I ate was perfectly normal and stuff I eat pretty often. Then I realized, I must have developed another allergy. Not the the salad, not to pork and beans but to watermelon. WATERMELON!! Why??!?!!?
Sooner or later I'm just gonna have to start carrying around a bottle of Benedryl just so I can eat at all.
Watermelon. Seriously??
So tonight I ate dinner as usual, nothing to concern me about what food we were eating. I went to take care of some cats for this lady that's out of town for the weekend, and on the way I noticed a bump on my left ring finger that started itching. I thought it was a mosquito bite at first, which wouldn't be any surprise to me. Then I also noticed one on my foot and the back of my neck too.
I make my way home and as I'm going about doing things, I start noticing that I'm just itching all over. I reach over to scratch my shoulder and the skin felt kind of odd underneath my shirt. I went into the bathroom pulled my collar over so I could see my shoulder. Here's what it looked like:
Then I pulled my shirt up in the back to see this:
I've never had hives before, ever in my life, but I knew that's what they were immediately. I ran downstairs and my mom ground up some oatmeal for me and found me some nice itch-relief lotions. I took a 20 minute oatmeal bath and then stood there staring at all the little bumps and welts in the mirror, doing all I could not to scratch them. The back of my neck is just on fire and it feel like it's spreading up to the rest of my scalp. I have a nice welt just under my left eyebrow and several on my hands and feet and legs. The bulk of it is on my chest and back though. It's so irritating!! I just wanna scratch everything!Luckily, according to the American Medical Book, they should disappear in a few hours. I sure hope they do.
And I've been trying to figure out what caused it:
Not the cats I'm taking care of, I itched before that.
So what else? It must be the food I ate for dinner. But everything I ate was perfectly normal and stuff I eat pretty often. Then I realized, I must have developed another allergy. Not the the salad, not to pork and beans but to watermelon. WATERMELON!! Why??!?!!?
Sooner or later I'm just gonna have to start carrying around a bottle of Benedryl just so I can eat at all.
Watermelon. Seriously??
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