Answer to Prayer

I've found that God answers our prayers. He really does. But we have to be careful how we word those prayers and not assume that how we see fit to have those prayers answered is actually how they will be answered.

Case and point:

We've been praying about a career for Bob. He's interested in real estate and has been around that and property management his entire life. He's been considering becoming a real estate agent and then seeing how that career and knowledge can tie into property management. But he's been working this dead-end job at a plumbing supply warehouse. It was a decent job for a good company, but it was more of a means to an end for Bob, and nowhere near where he wanted to stay for the next 10 years. The problem was it takes up his entire day. And he started liking it less and less every day, so when he'd get home from work the last thing he wanted to do was work on something else. But he tried.

So Bob had been praying for this career choice. He prayed for the ability to pursue it so that he could provide enough stable income for his family in the future. He saw the answer as being able to go work all day, then come home and work on this career all evening, and then still have time to play and surf to keep his sanity plus spend time with myself and Graham.

But that answer just wasn't happening. 

Things at work have been going fine for Bob, aside from his slow and steady decline of satisfaction in his current occupation. His supervisor liked him fine, as well as most of the guys he was working with. He was just getting a new gas card for the truck he was driving. And then last Friday at lunch the HR person called him into the office and told him his "services aren't needed anymore" for the company.

What the what?

He came home 30 minutes later and went straight to the shower, partially to clean himself up because doing what he did at work makes him sweaty and dirty, but mostly to settle down and cool off because he was really upset over losing this job.

All weekend we talked about it here and there. We mostly tried to have fun, relax a little, and figure out what to do this week.

Once getting past the anger over the whole thing, we've realized that now Bob has plenty of time to go after this real estate thing. He has plenty of time to do that as well as surf and spend time with his family.

Oh, Heavenly Father... Thank you for answering our prayers in a not-so-expected and yet oh-so efficient way.

We haven't figured out this whole how-to-earn-money thing without that job, because we do still have bills to pay. But we have some plans. I have some ideas of what I'll do and Bob has some ideas of what he can do. Hopefully it will earn us enough to make it for a little while. Something will work out, because Heavenly Father answered Bob's prayers about finding the time and a way to pursue this career. He will surely answer our prayers about how to make ends meet and stay afloat at this turning point in our lives.

Here's to exercising a bit of faith and having the humility to continue accepting how God sees fit to answer our prayers to Him.

I've Been Hacked!

That's right, my sneaky and subversive husband has hacked my account, and has typed this blog post as a surprise to me. Just so y'all don't get confused, he'll be talking as though he's me, even though I, Janae, had nothing to do with this particular post.

Let's start off by setting down some basics that we can all agree on.

• I'm Janae, and I'm incredibly attractive. Also, I'm lots of fun.
• I have such a wide range of interests and talents that I can hardly keep up with them. I love to cook, bake, sew, craft with paper, scissors, fabric, glue, wood, and just about anything else I can get my hands on
• I have an excellent eye for design and aesthetics, and I love to bring that to play in organizing and decorating my home, and in all those crafty things. 
• I want to learn and do so much more! I've always wanted to go hang gliding, I love climbing but don't go enough, and I love snowboarding, but same problem there. I still need to learn to crochet and a bunch of other crafts and hobbies. 
• I'm hopelessly addicted to Halo. I wasn't very good a few years ago, but after weekly sessions with friends, I can legitimately hold my own. I've even won a few rounds. 
• I really really really want to learn metalsmithing so I can design and cast my own jewelery. Why does everything I want to do cost so much?
• Case in point, I also want to travel the globe. I want to see third world countries and the remnants of the height of European monarchies. I want to see the tropics, the tundra, and be swallowed in the vastness of the Sahara. I want to see all the different places right here in the U.S., from the Painted Desert, to the Redwoods, to Mt. Rushmore, to the Everglades, to New York City, to the coasts of Maine, to the underground Boston music scene...
• Have you noticed how cute I am? I'm seriously attractive, really! Who else do you know that could pull off any hair color, any outfit, any style? We are few and far between. Worship us.
• I throw the BEST parties.       ....E V A R R R.
•  I am one tough chick. If you had any idea all of the crap I've been through in my life to get where I am, you would probably faint. Or maybe you'd relate if you've been there, too. Respect my journey.
• A side effect of all that is PTSD, which I've written other posts about, from time to time. This makes even the most trivial of matters sometimes insurmountable in the moment. Do you get it? Maybe. But unless you've dealt with it, I doubt it.  Like I said, I'm tough. I always make it through it.
• I have an incredible amount of faith, and a very strong testimony of the Restored Gospel. Sometimes the social side of attending church is hard for me to deal with (see above), but I will always love the Savior, the Gospel, and my Heavenly Father. It's unshakable.
• My husband is better than your husband. 
• Did I mention how ridiculously attractive I am?
• Have you hung out with me lately? Why not? I promise you that I am outrageously hilarious, and a load of fun! Seriously, what's your excuse?
• I've changed through about 9 different majors in college (lots of interests) so I know a lot about a lot of stuff, instead of a little bit about a lot of stuff or everything about one thing. Except for sewing- my husband thinks I might know just about everything about that, but I don't really think so; There's always something new to learn!
• I love animals and I really want a dog! We never really got to have one growing up and now that I'm older, I want one. 
• I love my sisters-in-law and I wish I hung out with them more. What do we have in common? What can we do together?
• I'm going to be the coolest mom ever, except for maybe my mom, who is perpetually amazing. My husband has no doubt that I can live up to her legacy, though.

Well, that's about all for now. Comment on this post and tell me how much you love me, because after all, I'm not really writing this, so it's not fishing for compliments, is it?!

To love life...

I used to live life just wishing and dreaming about the future. I never paid much attention to how life was in the moment or how I was doing in the present--I'd done that during my high school years, but it never seemed to make me any happier. But when I started living to reach future goals, I at least had more hope in my life. And then I started living life for nothing but the future because I hated how things were in the present. It's like I went from one extreme to another in search of happiness and peace of mind, still never finding it. I mostly just ignored myself because I didn't like me, and the best way to distract myself from me was to think about where I was going instead of where I was at the time.

It wasn't until my therapist pointed out to me that I need to be sure that I like where I am now that I started realizing those one-way thinking habits. As obvious as it is, I never recognized that I needed a "happy medium" of both to be happy myself.

I am now pleased to say that I love who I am (perhaps for the first time in my life). I have goals I'm working towards, complete with a healthy view of myself right now. Here are some of those goals and how where I am now is helping me to reach them:

1. Graduate with a BFA in Industrial Design. I'm getting valuable experience at work designing products of all sorts. I'm finishing that incomplete I took in one ID class last fall. I'm going to finish freshman level ID classes in the winter, apply and be accepted into the upper level ID classes.

Final assignment from one of my ID classes last year. Not bad, for a freshman, though it could be better.

2. Live in a nice, comfortable house/home. We just found a different place to live that's still in our ward boundaries. It's the main level of a house, with lots of windows and lots of sunlight, a bigger kitchen, large living room, and lots of closets with storage space. No more dark basements for us. And rent is even cheaper than what we're paying now. We're trying to be careful with our money so that we can begin saving up to buy/build a house that we'll actually own one day. We have family photos (our extensive 2-person family of Bob and I) and hope to get more, as well as images of Christ and the temple to put up as daily reminders and to invite the Spirit into our home.

3. Have kids... several kids... Even though we're not trying for it right now (and if we get surprised I think well be okay), we're both learning so much about how we're going to parent. Some things I hope to do/not do: Not lay my infant child on the floor at church during Sacrament meeting, show them how to enjoy the outdoors, not put them in front of the TV as a quick fix to keep them entertained everyday, let them help me to cook meals and treats, teach them how to sew and make simple crafts as young as they want to start learning, assign chores they can do--with or without my help--at certain age marks, begin teaching them what it means to be chaste and to have morals as young as eight years old, show them how to love and be generous to others by my example, instill a love for music, singing, and instruments in them from infancy.

4. Play the piano... Again. I still have an electric keyboard I got for Christmas one year when I was a kid, and it still works. I'd also like to take a piano class at BYU before I graduate. I started one last year, but I was taking too many credits and had to drop it. I still have 3+ years to try it again.

5. Open my store/bakery. I started my Etsy site. I took a couple of classes at the LDS Employment office about being self employed and starting a small business. I have tons of fabric and some other supplies to help when I want to get it up and running. I've looked into small business loans and calculated out how much money I'll need just to get it going. I've got a business plan started, and I'm almost ready to get the business actually started. It's just not the right time yet. But it will happen.

Chrissy Konachamp won the Iron Man World Championship in 2007.

6. Finish an Iron Man race. I've been riding my bike everywhere--to work, to run errands, to look at potential houses to move into, etc. I went on an hour long ride the other morning before the sun came over the mountains and made the midday heat unbearable. If I can strengthen my knees on my bicycle and by swimming, I'll be better able to run long distances without blowing them out. I've also been monitoring what I eat. I've been eating far less meat, partially because it's expensive and partially because too much meat isn't healthy, and replacing what I'd normally put meat in with rice or beans or something similar. It's been both cost effective and I'm feeling great.

7. Serve a full-time mission as a senior couple. Bob and I went to the temple last night, and it was a wonderful experience. I've been trying to make prayer and morning scripture study more of a priority, though I'm not perfect at it yet. We've been trying to be better about fulfilling our callings, especially since we're ward missionaries. And like I said earlier, we're really pushing to keep a specific budget, including saving for later in life.

I have more goals, but these are the ones that were on my mind as I recognized myself again this morning. I decided to write them down so that I could get them organized into reality and reflect on them later. Plus, it feels great to see my successes and accomplishments and let those be my focus rather than my failures. And even my failures have resulted in some success. For example, I considered dropping that piano class last year a failure, but had I not done that, I wouldn't have taken other steps to get to where I am now, and where I am in my life is a really big accomplishment for me.

It's nice to see the big picture and see things, and myself, accurately.

Blog Overdue!

Wow. I need to have written over twenty blogs on all the happenings in my life this summer. And now summer is drawing to a close, and I haven't written a single one since... June? I'd apologize for being a slacker, but that's the reason I haven't written any--because I've been extremely busy. So this will be an extremely LONG blog. Be prepared to come back and read more later if you just can't make it through it all in one sitting. And if you just don't feel like reading it all, I'm not offended.

____________________________________

Girls Camp back in June was a blast. I love those first year girls and the Youth Leaders so much! I wish the Young Women understood just how amazing they are and just how much they are worth. That's my last year going to YW Camp in TN. :( I'm sad, but my life has to move on forward.

Then EFY happened all summer.

I drove through Arkansas to visit Katie and see her newborn (who probably isn't so newborn any more!) . That was so much fun! I loved catching up with her and just getting to pick up on our friendship where we left off ten years ago.

I made my way to Louisiana (and just for the record, there is no Interstate or highway with a speed limit more than 50 miles an hour from Little Rock to Baton Rouge; it was a LONG drive). I played with my niece and nephew, ate crawfish with Cam, and enjoyed that heavy Louisiana humidity that I haven't missed all these years.

Then I woke up early and drove eight hours to San Antonio, my favorite part of Texas. It was a fun drive, partially because I couldn't wait to visit people and also because I was excited to work at EFY. I arrived and had the new counselor orientation, ate food, met people, and then went and stayed with the Marshes that night. I went to church at the Parkwood ward the next morning, and it was so fun to see so many people I'd missed for eight months. I stuck around for one of the singles wards as well. It was fun to see people recognize me but not know how they knew me. Lots of people would say, "Hi, how are you..?" trying to figure it out. Sometimes I'd be nice and tell them right away, but then again, it was really fun to just go along and see if they could figure it out themselves. But there were several people who remembered me right off. I was surprised to see so many people who came right up to me and said, "Sister Wheeler!! What are you doing here?!" And what was an even sweeter experience was to have a couple of investigators I'd taught approach me and tell me all about their baptisms.

The following wee was EFY, and it was a blast. Those kids are SO much fun, and I loved to be able to see the spiritual growth in each of them during the week. At the beginning of the week, they hardly knew each other, and by the end they were best friends. And what was even better, they all wanted to share the gospel with their friends! One of my girls had been stuck between our church and the catholic church, and by Thursday she'd already been making plans to get baptized as a member of our church by the end of the summer. I loved seeing the Spirit touch these kids in such a way that they knew the principles and doctrines we taught are right and true.

The following week I visited my mission. I'd spent the 4th of July at the Marshes again (and if Sister Marsh had it her way,I'd just move into their house there and live with them for my entire life). The Sunday after I went to New Braunfels Ward and Memorial Ward. It was so fun to see so many people that I love there! I couldn't believe how many remembered me after a year and a half of me not being there. I was especially flattered when the bishops recognized me and wanted to catch up on everything. It feels good to know I made some kind of impact. I stayed with the Petersons some during that week. I went up to Austin and surprised Sister Denison, my one and only trainee of the mission, with breakfast one morning. That was hilarious. She didn't know how to react. "What are you doing here?!" was what I was greeted with. We caught up for a few short minutes, then I let her get back to studying. I picked Bob up from the airport and we visited several other people, especially one of my favorite (I know I shouldn't choose favorites) converts, Nathan. I'm so proud of that kid and I love him to death. We went to the Shoal Creek Ward the following Sunday, where Bishop Taylor asked me to be a speaker in Sacrament Meeting that day. Some things never change.

Unfortunately, I never got to attend the Brushy Creek Ward while I was down there. It's hard when I'm strapped for time and there's only so many Sundays during vacation there.

Next week Bob and I both worked EFY, where we had some wonderful experiences again. Bob's boys would yell fun things to me across campus when they saw me with my girls, so I had my girls do the same for Bob. I think a few of Bob's boys even developed crushes on me. My girls were so good and we all became such good friends, especially since we had such testimony building and spiritually enlightening moments together.

At the end of the week, on Saturday morning, Bob and I drove to Baton Rouge, where I introduced him to the absolutely delectable and delicious food of crawfish. It was so good, and I think now Bob can understand how I feel when I talk about it.

Sunday we drove and drove, out of Louisiana, into Mississippi, and as we got into Tennessee we stopped in Memphis to attend church and take the Sacrament. The only Sacrament Meeting that was going on at the time we were there happened to be the Spanish Branch. That was great. (And P. S., the Sacrament bread Hispanics and Latinos use is often home made, and absolute heaven to put in your mouth.) I had fun translating for Bob.

We made it all the way to my parents house, had dinner, unloaded some of our stuff, and drove on to Bowling Green, Kentucky for yet another session of EFY. This session was by far the best of the three I did. Well, I love each session for different reasons. This one was a little closer to my heart because of a wonderful opportunity I had, which I didn't recognize at first.

Bob and I had wanted to be co-counselors, but it didn't happen. I was pretty bummed about it, and he was too. At check-in on Monday morning, and I overheard some counselors talking about a girl who was attending that didn't speak English. I asked about it and they said they were trying to find a group for this girl from Costa Rica in the hopes that at least the male counselor could speak Spanish. I grinned and said, "I speak Spanish fluently."

As it turns out, I was the only female counselor who spoke Spanish decently. Some switching went on with the girls in my group, and I ended up only having nine instead of ten girls. I was fine with that. The fewer there are, the more personally I can get to know them. Belany, my little Spanish-speaking princess, didn't have a roommate. I didn't either, so she got to move into my room and be my roommate for the week. I think she needed that too. It was so neat to translate for her when she didn't understand what was going on, and then I could talk to her as we were getting ready for bed at night, and I don't know if she would have been able to get to know anyone quite so well with the language barrier. Seth, my co-counselor spoke Spanish too, so he got to help with that as well.

Now Bob had a similar experience, where he was put in a group with a boy who needed him to be his counselor. This kid was introverted and unhappy to be at EFY. He didn't think he had a testimony of the gospel at all, and was only there because his parents made him go. He hid behind the same purple beanie and black and purple striped hoodie everyday.

At the end of the week, we had a meeting with all the counselors, and one of the male counselors mentioned how he'd seen this kid at previous EFYs, been his counselor, and nothing had helped or changed him in any way previously. This counselor was so excited to see that this boy, by the end of the week, was smiling, had made friends with everyone in his group, and even spoke about serving a mission and teach the gospel to others. And it's true! I saw the change in this kid myself! This kid needed Bob to be his counselor, to offer his listening ear, experiences, and testimony.

Miracles happened all week long there. I could go on and on about the youth in my company: one kid who refused to get out of his chair on Tuesday at the dance to dancing at almost every song on Friday night. Or the boy in my group who developed a desire to finally repent for some things that had been weighing him down for years. Or the girl who thought she had no testimony or desire to be at EFY who, by Thursday, wanted to share it with others and keep it strong in her life. Seriously, one beautiful miracle and change after another happened that week.

And then Saturday morning rolled around and we all had to say our heartfelt goodbyes. Bob and I drove back to my parents house and napped all day.

Sunday I went to church with my parents for the last time as a member of their ward. It's bittersweet to leave so many people I love, knowing that I need to move on. Then Sunday evening the missionaries stopped by. After they left Bob and I went for a walk in the woods.
I didn't really think anything of it because it's so normal for us to do stuff like that. We walked along the path through the trees, stopping to notice the beautiful setting sun as it was shone through the trees. We stopped again at the edge of the bluff above the river and talked for a little while about how we were feeling about our relationship and such. We walked a little further to where the trail used to branch off toward Nin's house, but it's all overgrown since her grandkids have all grownup and there's nobody left to run and play in the woods there. I wanted to find a some place to sit so we could just enjoy the gorgeous evening and talk some more until darkness started to fall. We found a large old stump to sit on, and Bob told me about some answers to prayers he'd recently received concerning us. He talked about some fears and hopes among his feelings for me.

It was all really serious, so then Bob finally said, "You know what I like about our relationship?"
"What?" I asked.
"I like than we can play and be silly sometimes. So right now, since I've been so serious, I can do this," and he pulled out this big box--bigger than something a ring belongs in, like a watch box or something. I didn't know what to expect, especially knowing Bob. He proceeded to open it, and in this really goofy voice says, "Janae, will you marry me?" He opens the box and inside is a bicycle bell. He pulls it out and puts it on my left ring finger as a joke, and rings it.
I thought, 'Haha, Bob. A ring...' I laughed, and then I felt a little let down thinking, 'Dang. That's it?'

He let that sink in for a few seconds. And then I noticed the expression on his face change from that ridiculous grin of his to a very sincere smile.
He looked at me and said, "Seriously."
He pulled out another smaller box from his back pocket. I stopped breathing for a few seconds as I realized what was happening.
He slowly knelt down on his right knee, and as he opened the beautiful dark wooden-finished box, he said, "Will you be my wife for this life and for eternity? Through all the hard times, and beautiful times, and the joyful times?" Tears were welling up in his eyes. He was serious this time. I looked down at the ring. It was beautiful. It was exactly what I hoped for, but it didn't really matter what it looked like at all. I would have loved it no matter what he picked out. I realized I was smiling. Then I started to cry as I picked up the box and ring and looked at it. I couldn't talk for a moment, and then I realized Bob was still there on his knee waiting. I finally found my voice enough to respond, and said, "Yes, I will."

Bob pulled the ring gently out of its place in the box, slid it onto my finger, and one of the best embraces I've ever had followed. As I looked around I noticed all the fireflies in the woods giving us a stunning show of lights, and the sky through the trees was every gorgeous shade of orange.

We walked home, smiling and wiping tears of joy from our eyes and faces. We stopped to watch the sunset for several minutes, debating how to tell my parents that we had just become engaged. we finally walked through the side door and into the kitchen. Dad was on the back deck reading a book and Mom was in the living room watching the Food Network on TV. I noticed that she'd made apple donuts, so I asked from the kitchen if they were for us. My mom said yes, so I strategically picked one up with my left hand and as I walked into the living room I took a bite, making my left ring finger very apparent. Mom immediately saw it and said, "Oh, what's that?" in a nonchalantly sarcastic way. I laughed. Bob followed me out there and we rehearsed the whole thing to my mother, after which, she went and had my dad come inside and we told the story one more time. I called each of my brothers (by the way, Bob got permission from all three of my brothers and then my parents to marry me) to tell them the news as well.


The longest drive ever from Tennessee to Utah followed a few days later. Dad and Bob put a trailer hitch on the Camry (Yeah, did you know that was possible?) and there we were: four adults packed inside the Camry, with a cooler in the backseat, the trunk loaded with luggage, and towing a trailer full of my things.

We noticed the engine running hotter than normal, and in the middle of Missouri needle on the gauge shot up all the way into the hot side. We pulled off the interstate and let it cool for a while. Dad fiddled around under the hood, and as soon as the needle was in a better place on the gauge we took off as quickly and carefully as we could for the next exit off the interstate. And then luck hit. We pulled into a gas station, the right behind it there happened to be an auto repair shop. As we waited for our new water pump to be put in, we went to a diner attached to the gas station to escape the heat. We walked in and a waitress asked us if we wanted a booth or a table. We all looked at each other for a moment, and finally just explained that our car had just broken down and we all just really wanted some water. Then my dad had the brilliant idea getting some hot cobbler with ice cream. We all decided to get some after that. It was a nice little place with a good atmosphere, and the four of us wound up laughing and smiling instead of feeling upset and irritated.

In an hour the car was fixed and ready to go. We made it into Nebraska in the wee hours of the morning and stopped at a hotel. Everything was full, except for one particular room at a more pricey hotel. Dad, Mom, and me slept on the king sized be and Bob slept on the floor. We woke up and left by mid-morning the next day. I drove out of Nebraska, and Bob drove us through an absolutely ridiculous hail storm in the middle of Wyoming. but we finally made it to Provo.

I applied and got accepted into my major the following week.
Dad bought me a car one morning and we got it registered and licensed that afternoon, and then I got it insured over the phone (Thank you, Gieco!) and then they emailed me all the information, I printed it out, and was driving it that evening.
Bob and I found a nice place to live in November, and he's moving in there in September.
I found the wedding dress I want.
Bob and I scheduled the sealing room in the San Diego Temple without a problem.
I got my job back from before my mission (my first day back was today!).

Aside from Bob getting his laptop stolen right out of his house night before last, things are really working out so far. I'm excited for school to start. I'm even more excited to get married in November.

Really, life is SO good.

Mosiah 2:17

My mom and dad have always been so wonderful at helping others in serious times of need, even if it means giving someone part of our house to live in for some time. In Louisiana, we had this playroom off the main part of the house that connected the garage to the dining room, and it even had its own bathroom. I remember a couple of people in particular living with us for a month or more at a time when they really needed it. I learned that same kind of generosity from my parents and I hope I'll always keep it with me.

On Saturday night last weekend, I was sitting in my room creating a pattern for a sundress and I heard the phone ring downstairs. I had my mp3 player going, and I didn't really think anything of it. After a few minutes the TV muted and my dad called upstairs to me.

"Hey Janae?"
"Yeah?" I replied as I pulled one of the headphones off my ear.
"There's a less-active girl in the ward here," he told me her name then asked, "do you know her?"
"No, I don't think so."
"Well, she's been living with her boyfriend, and apparently it's turned into a bad situation and she's a little scared right now--"
Before my dad could even finish what he was originally going to say I asked, "When are we picking her up?"
He paused. "About ten minutes."
"Okay, I'll be down soon."

With my dad being bishop in our ward, he's one of the first (and sometimes the only) to find out about this kind of stuff. Naturally my dad felt more comfortable with me going, because it is kind of weird to pick up a younger woman that he doesn't know, bishop or not. Plus I live for this kind of stuff! I LOVE to help and serve and give another person the shirt off my back! I was thrilled.

It was below freezing and snowing outside, so it was a long, slow drive there since it was across town. We eventually made it to a really small, pot-holed trailer park. My dad couldn't see any of the numbers on the homes, and I became a pro at finding the right places on my mission, especially when it comes to seeing little, invisible numbers on doors and corners of trailers. I guided dad to the right one, then as he went up to the door I made sure the trunk of the car was empty. Then I followed after him and climbed the slick, snow-covered stairs onto the dilapidated front porch of the run down trailer. The front door was open, and my dad was inside. He saw me and motioned me forward. We went in and I first met a friend of this girl, then her. I loved her instantly. She was a little emotional but was keeping it together quite well. We carried out her suitcases and bags, and as my dad was putting them in the trunk of the car I went back inside to see if there was anything else. She was standing there looking around the room with tears in her eyes, and that's when I noticed the pink bruise newly forming on her cheekbone below her eye. It broke my heart to know what this poor girl had gone through, both physically and emotionally.

"Last look around?" I asked with a comforting smile.
"Yeah..." she trailed off as she glanced at my eyes and then back at the room, fighting back tears.

We dropped her friend off on the way back to our house. As we neared home we talked about her interests and hobbies, and come to find out she loves art and even debated fashion design. She's seriously such a cool girl! After carrying her luggage upstairs to the guest room and showing her around the house briefly, we headed to the living room for family prayer, where we also briefly discussed church the next morning as well as a few other things. We went back upstairs and I showed her all the fabric I'd inherited from Nin's attic and the dress I was making. Then we wound up staying up for a bit in her room just talking. She knows it was the right thing to do, leaving him. She still loves the guy, but she knows she can't go back. She won't go back either. She feels surprisingly calm about the decision, and I reminded her that it's probably just the Spirit helping her to know what she's doing is right. It's just a really difficult thing to go through, especially because she loves his family now too. She's ready for a change now though, and she's pretty sure it will involve becoming more active in the church. That made me smile, and I reminisced a bit in my memories of when I made that choice too. I'm proud of her for figuring it out sooner than later.

The other day my dad made the comment to me that she reminds him a bit of me. I laughed. At first I couldn't decide if he was talking about the mistakes I made in my life before I gained my solid testimony or our personalities and interests. I laughed and gave him a curious smile, but before I could ask he answered me by saying that it was our interests he found so similar, even though I'm sure it was more than that by the grin he gave me. It's always comforting and something tugs a little at my heart when I realize again that my dad really is proud of me. I used to not really have much of a relationship at all with him, and there's just something so special about being able to talk with him, or go work outside with him, or go fishing together, or do anything as a father and daughter. I never used to have that connection with my dad. Now I wonder what all I missed out on when I was younger. But I'm happy to know him better and understand what he's been through and learn from him. Although, I'm even happier to finally realize how much he loves me, since I think I used to not believe that he really did at all. It was just a hard childhood being the only girl. I used to think it was really bad to cry, and that I should never let myself do it. For a long time I even thought it was bad to be female! Granted, I don't think anyone ever really told me those things. I just kind of assumed it all from my dad's and brothers' reactions to me when I was a kid. For a while I thought Dad didn't like me, but since I've grown up I realize now that he just didn't know what to do with a little girl. He didn't know how to handle the different level of maturity, different physical traits, different emotional strengths, not to mention the PMS. He had no idea how to raise a girl after having three rowdy boys! My guess is he just tried treating me like one of them, even though it didn't work out so well all the time.

Anyway, so life's been kind of fun for the past few days. I forgot how much fun it is to have a friend to hang out with all the time, although this way I have less of a choice of if I want to or not since she's staying here for another week. I just really enjoy helping other people out. It makes me feel like I'm actually useful and important. I know I am anyway, but I actually feel like it when I'm serving other people.

I hope I too can do this kind of thing when I have my own house one day.